Dumbass comments companies make when faced with “Sorry Joe died.”
Our friends, both far and near, have expressed such healing words regarding Joe’s death. One of many that mirrored my exact feelings was this comment on Facebook: “I am sitting here staring at a screen and keyboard, not having a clue as to what to say.”
The hospitals, phone solicitors and credit card companies, however, have often left me in a fit of giggles, or sometimes completely exasperated by their insensitivity. They have brought new meaning to the word “dittohead.” Dittohead was a word coined by 20th century philosophy and means one who takes pride in his or her lack of ability to form original or analytical thought.
A few of my favorites:
Resurrection Hospital: Hello, may I speak to Mr. Joseph Ruscitti?
Me: No, I am sorry he died.
Resurrection Hospital: Oh well, can you give him a message?
Me: No, he died in your hospital. (pause)
Resurrection Hospital: Oh, oh, I am so sorry. We are all so sorry. Please do accept our condolences to you and your family.
Me: Thank you
Resurrection Hospital: Would it be possible for you to provide us with a number to reach Joseph Ruscitti at?
Chase Bank: We are trying to reach a Mr. Joseph Ruscitti.
Me: I am sorry he passed away.
Chase: Well, would it be possible to leave a very important message for him?
Me: No he died. I am his wife and executer of the estate. Can I help you?
Chase Bank: No, this is a confidential matter, please have Mr. Ruscitti call us back at this number as soon as possible.
(Oh, yeah. I’m sure to make your message my top priority.)
Insurance Company: We are trying to reach a Mr. Joseph Ruscitti.
Me: (thinking this was our insurance company) My husband died on June 2nd.
Insurance Company: Yes, we have been notified that he died. We would like to offer him life insurance coverage.
Me: Well, I’m not sure he needs it at this time.
Insurance Company: Rest assured that this full coverage is not contingent on his past medical history.
(Good to know.)
Resurrection Hospital: We are calling to speak to Mr. Ruscitti.
Me: He is not available.
Resurrection hospital: Oh well, do you know if he would be interested in our cardio class starting in August?
Me: Perhaps you should make a note that my husband died in your hospital in June.
Resurrection Hospital: Oh, I am so sorry. We are all so sorry. Please accept the hospital’s condolences. We also have classes starting in September.
Me: Nope, September won’t work either. My husband died.
Resurrection hospital: Oh yes, of course. (Sorry routine one more time.) Well, we do have an open house for the families of those suffering loss, and a grief class. Would you be interested?
Kb: No, not really.
Resurrection hospital: Ok, well thank you, and please let Mr. Ruscitti know that we called.
(I kid you not.)
Chase Bank: May I please speak to Joseph Ruscitti?
Me: Sorry, but he is still dead.
Chase: Well, we really need to speak to him directly to verify the death.
(So scary! This is the bank I trust with my 99 cents.)
And finally, this cheery e-mail from a theater class Joe was enrolled in:
Hey, thanks for letting us know! Hope you are well.
(Well, we have been better, but Hey! thanks for caring.)
The Chase Bank slogan is, “The RIGHT Relationship is Everything.” AH HA! At last, we have identified the problem. I don’t have the RIGHT Relationship. I suggest from this point forth we band together and, whenever possible, we openly ditch “dittohead” companies!
Glad you were in my Odd neighborhood. Feel free to drop by any time. Odd Loves Company and odd loves you and you and you!! I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog, or on Facebook or Twitter!