Craig. Craig, has on Odd take on all things Holy.
Before posting this I prayed. Its never a good idea to offend God so I asked God, “God should I post or not post?” He replied, laughing, “Let the show go on. By the way, tell Craig, he is right. In my day I was pretty darn funny, but my humor lost a lot in the translations and timing. I could have played football, you know… but I had this darn knee injury…”
And now (cue trumpets)…. Good Sunday Morning from Cousin Craig…..
It occurs to me that Jesus Christ would have been one hell of an entertainer. I mean, if He hadn’t gone into the whole “dying for our sins” field; which turned out to be a lot more profitable than I would have thought; He had the goods.
Imagine Him, standing in front of a group of people, waving his hands in the air and yelling “Ta-DA!”. As they all look at each other wonderingly someone says, “What happened?” “All of you are now cleansed of your sins!” smiles our savior. “You’re welcome!”“For my next trick I will rise from the dead. That’s right, rise from the dead! Can I ask someone in the audience for help? Anyone? Thanks you sir, and what’s your name?”“Pontius Pilot” says the man.“Eeesh! Mom and Dad were hippies, huh? Anyway, I’ll just need you to nail me to this tree . . . “
And think of what He could have done as a comedian.
“You look like a great mob here, a great mob. I just got into town and boy is my ass tired. He’s in the stable (Rim shot, I’m guessing by Peter). But seriously folks, I was just in Calvary. Some of you know it as Golgotha? Nice town, but some rough people! When you get crucified in Calvary, they REALLY crucify you! Whew. Talk about being left for dead! The longest eternity I ever spent was three days in a Calvary. (Rim shot!) I know, I know, people who live there say it’s nice. I tell them ‘I was murdered in that hot, smelly place!’ and they say, ‘but it was a dry heat . . .’ “You can imagine the rest.
How about as an athlete?
This guy was incredible. Ate a lot of high protein foods, walked everywhere, He was in great shape. Imagine Him as a football player . . .The announcer reads off the players and comes to Jesus (and I’m imagining a Howard Cosell voice here) “And of course, there IS Jesus Christ. GOD of Gods, LORD of Lords, and unstoppable force on the gridiron. Last week, against the Saints the entire opposing team dropped and kissed His feet as He ran for infinity yards. That’s right, infinity. Here’s a clip- ‘It’s Jesus taking the hand off of a leper, and he’s healed! Never mind that, Jesus has the ball and He breaks into the open. Lookout for that pool of water! He walked right over the top! Can anything stop this guy? He makes another defender turn to stone and there’s just one man to beat, Jesus to the forty, the thirty, the twenty, they won’t stop Him! He’s going all the way to the promised land! I haven’t seen a Jew run like that since . . . “
Not many people know this, but Jesus would have been an awesome rapper. Let’s face it, nobody rhymed like this guy. I won’t even go there because I don’t want to offend anyone. What the hell! Can’t you just picture it in your mind? Jesus on a dingy stage, squaring off in a rap contest with Eminem, sweat beading on his face as the crowd chants “GO, GO, GO!” Jesus throws up his hands and the crowd quiets immediately. The beat starts, and for a long time it looks like Jesus will choke. The pressure is just too much! Then He looks up and says, “This guy is a douche bag.” The crowd goes wild! They know the truth when they hear it!
“Jesus, you were off the hook!” “Actually, it was a nail” He says.
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