Do you have rants in your pants? If I were one of the seven dwarves, I would be Happy. It’s hard to annoy me or offend me, although lately people seem to be working overtime trying. Maybe it’s the gray skies of January or just an overall weariness, but for the past couple of weeks I have been collecting rants. My Facebook friends and I have even started to honor rants on Facebook every Wednesday. Nobody is allowed to be an assholio. We do not whine. We rant. Big difference. Whining  is weak. Ranting is strong!  A rant says, “I’m ticked, but I will get over it.”  Whining says, “I am a victim and you are picking on me. I will probably never get over it.” You want an example, don’t you? Okay, fine. Cole will demonstrate the difference between the words WHINE and RANT using Eurhythmy. Someday in the far-off future, we will discuss the word Eurhythmy. In the meantime, enjoy Cole’s demonstration. It was not cheap.  I pine for the days when a bribe was a few red M & M’s.

Now without further adieu a few rants from your blogger, her friends and acquaintances not forgotten. . .

• Mind your own plate. When you have lunch with your friends, don’t remark on how much bread one of your friends is eating. In fact, don’t remark on what they are eating at all.

• A friend recently related this rant. “Recently, I was at a kid’s party sitting next to a mom who made it a point to tell all of us, including the hostess, her opinions on gifts and greed at birthday parties. Naturally, there was a table full of brightly colored gifts. I wanted to smack her.”

• We all know this parent, don’t we? “At my daughter’s school there is another mom who always finds the time to correct something about me, most recently, my grammar. Why in the world would one adult correct another adult’s grammar unless asked?”

• Why can’t shoppers push their carts either back to the store OR the few extra feet away to one of those little cart corrals or whatever they’re called? Well, because it’s cold and I don’t want to walk the extra few steps and I already had to load my car and I’m freezing. Oh wait… I don’t think this ranter was talking directly about me.

• Please stop saying, “I am so jealous,” when someone shares their good fortune. Instead, try saying, “How wonderful” or “I’m so excited for you!”

• If you don’t like football and your city’s team is in the play offs, cheer for them anyway.

• Start being more sensitive and stop being so sensitive. Most people are not trying to offend you. Most people aren’t even thinking about you. When you said, “Ugg boots are Ugly,” and looked directly at my Ugg boots,” I was certain you did not mean MY Ugg boots, but were expressing your general dislike about Ugg boots and your unwillingness to wear them.

• Do not take your pets places they are not invited. Tip – they are not invited most places.

• If you know something will be inconvenient for someone else, don’t ask them to do it. Most people don’t like saying no.

• Volunteer Chairs everywhere would like people to stop using the excuse, “I am too busy.” When you use the “I’m too busy” excuse, the volunteer asking you to help is looking at you thinking, “Of course, and I just sit around on Facebook all day, dumbass.”

• The other day, a women was upset at a fast food restaurant because the woman before her cleared her tray but left her napkin. She ranted to me, “If they throw away the rest of their trash, why in the hell won’t they just throw away their napkins?!?!?” I don’t know. Do you?

• My cousin would like me to remind you not to ask her to remind you of something you committed to. Write it on your calendar or tap it into your phone, but grow-up, get your act together, and remember your own crapmitments.

• If someone asks you not to bring something to their dinner party, take your appreciation but leave the dessert at home. This includes flowers unless they are already in a vase.

• This rant has recently come up several times over the last few months. If you invite people to dinner, don’t clear the table before they are done eating.

• One of my personal favorites: Not all of us have great parking karma. So if you are leaving and we are waiting patiently for your parking space, could you just skip the phone call?

• My friend who lives with her parents is often annoyed by kids who come to visit and walk by her parents like they are furniture. Teach your children to greet adults. It’s nice.

• A friend shared, “Cling-ons” are so annoying.” A cling-on is somebody in a car you pass who then decides to be your “buddy.” They speed up to pass you, then settle back to the speed they were going. You then pass them and they decide to speed up again and pass. I agree, this is annoying.

• One odd rant I collected was about earrings. “I hate earrings – the look of them, everything about them and that everyone else ON EARTH seems to find them attractive. This shouldn’t be a big deal but I kinda get lonely/isolated about it sometimes.” Okay. Anybody else out there hate earrings?

• Teach your dog not to jump. Nobody in the whole world wants to be jumped on by your dog.

Just writing this list of rants has made me happier.

If you have rants in your pants, feel free to leave them below. Glad you were in my Odd neighborhood. Feel free to drop by any time. I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog, or on Facebook or Twitter!

Katybeth

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