Welcome Back to What’s Your Purse-anality, Part 2! Click here to read episode 1!
Odd’s expert purse panel is ready to share more insights into the purse-anality of the bags presented to them. Our panel of experts come from all walks of life and while they may not all carry a purse, they all do carry a opinion they would like to share. I think you will find them entertaining, enlightening and sometimes purse-vocative.
Please snap your purses to welcome today’s first two reviewers, General Bag It and Queen Satchel, as they take a look deep into Rachel’s purse-anality.
General Bag It: I don’t really know much about women’s purses, but once Katybeth sent me the assignment I was surprised at how many barely substantiated conclusions I could reach.
This is kind of a little bag, so I’m thinking Rachel is efficient. She has what she needs to keep the operation running today, not a pile of stuff from yesterday.
The contents make me think I’m right. Last week’s shopping list is not here, nor are any leftover Splenda packets. For her, the Splenda is right where it belongs: next to the lids wherever she gets her coffee.
The oval sunglasses, very cool. They fit over equally cool glasses.
A watch? Who has a watch? Rachel and my dad. The rest of us look at our phones. Rachel, eBay the watch and get a replacement set of earbuds for the ones in the top corner.
The pen is a Pilot G2-07. Smooth writing, a bold stroke. The pen leads me to the item that tells me Rachel is someone you want around you.
Rachel has a death certificate. There’s an old saying that says, “A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body.” After seeing this I’d add: “A great friend shows up with a death certificate and a pen, so you can leave the body there and go have fun.”
Queen Satchel: Back again, my darlings, to share my purse-ceptions and my poetry. But first, Rachel—my precious—ex number four is trying to steal half my kingdom, and worse, he wants my favorite gold sequined gown with the diamond buttons down the back. Will you be my friend?
Dark. Stormy. Night.
Seasoned. Cool. Fight.
Hot. Burning…like a fever
Mess with me…you die by tweezer.
Ok, let’s move on…to Isabel’s purse, reviewed by Getta Grip and Lady Coco Baghausen.
Getta Grip: This is the purse of a confident woman—a natural beauty who frets not about keeping lipstick on her moist, pursed lips. She can’t abide a headache, poor hygiene or department store fashion. Don’t like her style? Well, you can just kiss her fanny pack. This avant-garde number swings both ways—fanny pack or purse.
Lady Coco Baghausen: Oh dear, lovely, creative, wonderful Isabel…“might be time to replace” may be the biggest understatement I have seen so far regarding a bag. Your friends are not giving you grief; they are trying to get you to see the light. Like loving an alcoholic but not loving the drinking, your friends obviously care about you, since I’m assuming they are seen with you in public toting what I believe you yourself described as a “fanny pack. ” The contents are separated into piles, which I imagine go into separate compartments in your beloved pack. All the contents are pretty practical, but the lack of a wallet for money and cards are part of the “fanny pack mentality” that I’m hoping to shine a harsh light on. Isabel, goddess of light and love, return to your favorite leather shop in Solvang (wherever that may be) and buy a decent purse. Please!
Last but not least is Stevie’s purse, reviewed by Satchel Nice Girl and Zapbag Satchelbrox.
Satchel Nice Girl: My first thought upon gazing at this purse’s contents was: Thank goodness she has five pens and three combs because…well…she could lose four pens and two combs and still have PLENTY! It’s like…pen and comb insurance. What saves the owner of this bag from me calling a professional organizer right this second is my deep trust that there are compartments that keep this home away from home organized. (She did not say “prescriptions from the 1980s,” so clearly she does do the occasional purge.) I imagine her dressing table and desk in her REAL house are almost bare. I bet they must have felt abandoned when this very efficient (I am a deep believer in external purse pockets) and utilitarian purse came along. The owner was not thinking glamour when she went purse shopping; she was thinking, “Where can I keep everything but my shoes?”—and here it is, people! Not bad! Deceptively elegant and contained! No one would ever know it’s actually a mobile home!
Zapbag Satchelbrox: Now this chick I think I understand. In college psychology I was taught that women tend to look neater, cleaner and more together than men do, but their thought processes were more intertwined. The example was that a train of thought in a woman’s mind was like a piece of spaghetti—piled up, twisting, touching other ideas at random points. Thus, a female conversation might more easily go something like this:
Janet: I was up all night last night. I had a cold.
Sue: I had a cold last year this time. It was right about the time that the plumbing went out. Water everywhere, no toilet. It was awful.
Janet: We had no toilets when I was in Habitat for Humanity. I went to Chile and built houses for the poor.
Sue: I went to Chile! Aren’t the beaches wonderful?
Janet: The best beaches are in Hawaii.
In this example, the conversation quickly went through several topics going from no sleep to the beach.
A male conversation might be described more like a waffle: Every idea is kept in its own little square, apart from other ones. A possible example is:
Tom: I was up all night last night. I had a cold.
Kevin: I was sick last week; something is going around. I get grumpy when I miss sleep.
Tom: Me too! My wife says I snored when I did finally fall asleep, so she was up.
Kevin: Colds will do that. Have you tried Benadryl?
Tom: Yes, but we were out.
Kevin: Yeah, that sucks.
In this example, the topic stayed on the cold last night until all ideas in that vein were exhausted as indicated by the “That sucks” comment, which is male for “I have nothing more to say about that. Perhaps we should try another topic.”
I look at this purse all neat, with pockets all over it, simply crying out for organization. Then I see what was in it: a big steaming pile of spaghetti. This purse is full of items to help you be organized, but these items are kept in total disarray. Isn’t that ironic…don’t you think? Classic—according to college psych from 1987.
Now that I have completely exhausted that topic, I will sum up. I like this purse. If I had a vagina and enough money, this is what I would carry to keep the illusion of organization alive. Doesn’t that suck?
A big thank you to all of our reviewers! Please add your thoughts, opinions and pithy observations by leaving a comment below—Odd Loves Company!
That concludes today’s edition of “What’s Your Purse-anality,” but we WILL be back tomorrow!
General Bag It–has his own blog “Blurt” that you might want to click over and visit–his administration is known for solving world problems
Getta Grip parks her fanny over on her very FUN blog called: Merrilymarylee’s Weblog