Tonight our expert purse panel is ready to move on to the next set of purses and share their witty insights into their purse-analities
The first purse belongs to Kelly. Please snap your purses together and welcome reviewers Lady Snapdragon, Boho Chic and Peril Chanel!
Lady Snapdragon: Ahh yes! A lover of the color blue. Blue is everlastingly appointed by the deity to be a source of delight. Soft, soothing, compassionate and caring, blue is the color of deliberation and introspection, conservatism and duty. This lady is patient, persevering, conscientious, sensitive and self-controlled, for lovers of blue like to be admired for their steady character and wisdom. They are faithful, but are often worriers with somewhat inflexible beliefs, and can be too cautious and suspicious of flamboyant behavior.
This purse belongs to a person who values quality. Imitation leather simply will not do. I want the real thing, and make it BLUE! She’s a traveler (note the passport) and she can fly at the drop of a hat because, dagnammit, she’s got room in her purse for clean underwear and a toothbrush. And if she forgot the toothbrush, she’s got ALTOIDS. A backup plan. She is steady and wise, indeed.
Do I see Cartier and Kate Spade alongside Mary Kay? This woman is neither a snoot nor a snob. She simply knows her worth and proudly gifts her fine self with the best of things whilst remaining frugal and smart when it comes to lathers and lotions. The owner of this purse is strong, confident and extremely stylish. I imagine her to wear a gold toe ring and have a smallish Louis Vuitton tattoo on the back of her neck. She also owns stock in black leggings, and you’ll find a few crisp white Ralph Lauren blouses hanging in her closet.
Boho Chic: Kelly may be living the life I dream about. The bag is a great, glamorous color. The accessory bags are similar but not too matchy-matchy. She travels with her passport, boarding pass and something from Cartier, and I can only assume one of those bags is full of makeup that is always expertly applied.
Peril Chantilly: “But where’s the Chihuahua?” I expected to see a puppy peering out from this gloriously ample bag! This artfully arranged purse “spills” on the exquisite marble countertop, creating quite a thrill at first glance. (Ooh, what have we here?!) Speaking of first, first-class ticket to where? Somewhere that requires a passport for our Italian leather-loving purse owner! She is on the move! And this adventurous first-class traveler is not afraid of color, though she may be afraid of jetlag breath—best avoided with those highly potent Altoids. The lovely black zip wallet bespeaks an owner who doesn’t want to appear too matchy-matchy. And the $5 bill is a nice touch: it says, No, really, I am still one of the 99 percent!
And that elegant Cartier checkbook cover? I imagine this checkbook was most recently used to pay for a high-class pooch hotel for the Chihuahua! No other reason for the doggie’s absence from this photo.
Thank you ladies! Our next reviewers, Oompo-Loompos and Bathilda Bagshot, will review Abigail’s purse
Oompo-Loompos: The bag. Once again we see the basic black—simple, easy, neat and organized. I’m guessing this bag has some logo that is supposed to say to everyone, Look, I spent way too much on this because I want to pay for a logo and be validated. I’m against this, being a function/substance guy over a flash/perception guy. Maybe I’m wrong; maybe this bag doesn’t have a logo. Doubtit! (Pronounced Dow-dit.)
As for the contents. Raisins! You like raisins! (Obscure John Cusack reference). These items say I am very organized and under control. Even this picture seems arranged, with the raisin logo and the book turned to be read upright. The thing that needs to be in this purse, picture and person is a chill pill. Relax! Carry two pens, live a little. A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men. (Obscure Gene Wilder, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory reference).
Overall, I like this bag and its contents. Very cool.
Bathilda Bagshot: This purse bearer is a very prepared minimalist: She is able to read, write, eat, listen to music, fix her hair and face…with the most minimal purse contents. Her blood sugar will never plummet with a box of raisins at hand; apparently her mother taught her well. This bag is a sleek envelope style, with some hardware on it that sets it apart from the everyday. And it’s not just functional hardware; it’s fun. I wish our raisin-loving friend had provided us with a side view of those chain links that say she doesn’t mind a bit of metal. Because of the minimal contents, I suggest the owner put an undetectable extension charm on this purse, which would allow her to carry an entire roomful of stuff (like Hermione Granger’s beaded bag) while maintaining the sleek look she seems to prefer.
Thank you reviewers! And last but by no means least, Idu Lovapurse and Mademoiselle Baguette will take a look into Lisa’s purse
Idu Lovapurse: OOO. What a classy bag! And I love the apple green polka dot liner (complements the green cash!)! Just wish I could see it in “full dump”—there’s got to be a couple of lip balms or chopsticks in there somewhere. Keys? Phone? Sunglasses? Maybe a hard-boiled egg? (Okay, kidding about the egg.)
Mademoiselle Baguette: I LOVE THIS BAG! By looking at the outside of this purse I think Lisa is probably a little conservative and practical. However, the inside reveals a whole new story. The lime-green polka dot lining and the loose cash (in small bills) indicate that she can be something of a wild, free-spirited person who doesn’t take life too seriously. (Check out the loose receipts.)
Thank you, reviewers! Your wit, creativity and wisdom were delightful to read. The staff at Odd thanks you purse-fusely! Odd readers, we will see you back here tomorrow night for Episode 4 of What’s Your Purse-anality! Please add your thoughts, opinions and pithy observations by leaving a comment below—Odd Loves Company!