Welcome to What’s Your Purse-anality!
Today we will preview three stylish purses and Odd’s expert purse panel members will give us their opinion of the purse-anality behind the purses presented to them. Our panel of experts come from all walks of life and while they may not all carry a purse, they all do carry a opinion they would like to share. I think you will find them entertaining, enlightening and sometimes purse-vocative.
Please welcome Odd’s first two reviewers, Bag Snatcher and Queen Satchel, as they discuss Cousin Carla’s purse-anality.
Bag Snatcher: Purses, still just for chicks? Society says yes. It’s not like you see a lot of men running around with handbags (commonly known as “murse”) unless they are robbing jewelry stores. Actually, that is the only commonly accepted reason for a man to carry a purse—if the contents are stolen. Is it Freudian? Is it the female need to have something to put things in? I don’t think that works, because guys have pockets. On the other hand, guys usually carry pocketknives, to stick into things…
As for this particular purse, it conjures memories of the house call, the old country doctor coming by to bleed you or apply leeches. I guess black goes with everything as far as fashion is concerned. To me it says, “I’m okay with jeans or khakis, but I LOVE black leather, latex, or rubber!” Is the luggage tag necessary? Are you checking this thing at the airport? Still, it does seem roomy and it looks nice, and it also looks like it might make an effective weapon in the event of attack. Also, it probably makes for a nice aerobic workout carrying this thing around. Is it lead lined?
And now, for the contents. I understand the pens, wallet, and sunglasses. These items are or might be needed regularly and need to be kept close. This person seems to have a fear of starvation. You never know when you might be stranded on an island and the only thing keeping you from starvation is the Good ’N Plenty stock in your purse. Makeup is available, which is nice. I can’t speak about it because I’m a guy; I guess it’s like a female version of condoms and lip balm? You know, just in case you want to look good and be ready for sex and/or the hunt for sex? Do we really need to carry around cutlery, and if so, can I recommend a baggie? If you are particular enough to need a fork and knife, I would think you would want to eschew the pocket lint that must, inevitably, occur. Maybe a metal set, for the times when you find yourself needing a fork in a more formal environment. Here we have Midol and allergy medicine, useful and once again, great for the desert island. Bill Cosby used to say that Midol was a wonder drug, just for women. He took it and it worked great, but he got cranky once a month.
Overall I am giving this bag a thumbs up. I look forward to being pummeled by it in the future.
Queen Satchel: My review is briefer. (I believe Carla would appreciate my brevity.) After all, one does not have to say much about a person who dangles Prada from her arm, now does one? In fact, one might say WE find it a bit on the boring side to offer lengthy reviews. Carla, I do so love your purse. We ALL love your purse. “Prada” just purrs off the tongue. I think good, strong advertising copy could sum of Carla’s Prada beautifully.
Quality. Priceless. Serene.
What’s a mere $75,000 on a purse when you’re sheltering the items your quality of life demands?
Mickey Mouse key rings AND your Sharpie?
Your knife and fork, perhaps?
“Prada. For those who protect their utensils.”
Next up we have Satchel Risk and Bag Lover, who will offer their insights into terrific Teresa’s purse-anality.
Satchel Risk: We will, we will rock you! Guess was the coolest jeans label of the late ‘70s, and the studs ornamenting this black bag say “classic rock” in modern style. And this chick rocks. Too busy to get that iPhone screen protector put on her phone, maybe this rocker wishes to retain some of the ‘70s era by writing her notes to herself on actual paper rather than on the iPhone. How retro. Speaking of retro, those groovy matches must really be something special if she’s carrying them around everywhere! She is prepared: If she catches a cold, or even breaks out in hives on the way to the concert, no worries. (Wait, is she a nurse? She has enough meds to treat the whole band!) Our rocker carries grooming products aplenty—in a moment of spontaneity, if she wants to hop onto the tour bus for a few days like the groupie she once was, she is, again, prepared. But a glance at mum’s keychain reminds her: time to hop off the bus and get back to hearth and home.
Bag Lover: My favorite thing about this bag is the stolen matchbook resting inside! From the initial pictures it seems like a nice, conservative, practical array of mundane and everyday products—everything Teresa could want or need while she is away from home. However, the stolen matches indicate that there is a wild woman hiding in that practical covering—kind of like a biting into a Skittle when you’re expecting an M&M.
And our last review for today is a look into the purse-anality of dynamic Diane! Please welcome Portia Portmanteau and Batty La Bag!
Portia Portmanteau: This is the handbag of a woman who writes in her head, then makes notes at traffic lights and in coffee shops. She’s got her act together and she’s taking it on the road, with a satchel large enough to carry whatever she needs. She’s no daffy lightweight and neither is that bag; think Steel Magnolias.
The contents say that she means business, while the three lipsticks whisper, in just the perfect shade, “…but not ALL business.”
Batty La’Bag: If I was to guess what kind of gal Diane is by the contents and look of her bag, I would say she is practical, organized, and prepared. A woman with high self-esteem. I bet she can leap tall buildings, rescue kittens from tree, and barely end up glowing. Diane is someone who can be counted on in a pinch, and for some sweet tea, on the porch swing, on a lazy summer evening.
A big round of virtual applause for our reviewers and those who shared their purses with us. Odd will be back on Monday with another round of What’s Your Purse-anality!
I hope you all add your comments to those of our reviewers…Odd Loves Company!