Son, I’m Not A Possum Whisperer!

by on July 3, 2012

Possums. I know a whole lot more about them than I used to. . .

My phone rang about midnight….

“Mom?”

“Cole, where are you? Are you ok?”

(picturing the same scenario all mom’s picture)

“Mom, I’m fine. I’m behind the garage.”

“Good. Why are you behind the garage?”

“Well, when I opened the garage door a possum ran in the garage.”

“Possum?”

(You Have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME)

“Possum. Please come out here.”

“Why?”

(Don’t you just hate kids, sometimes?)

“There is an possum in our garage and I want you to get him out.”  

(Do I look like a possum whisperer?)

“Cole, just pull in the garage. Close the garage door, but leave the side door open so the poor thing can escape after you turn the light off.”

“NO!”

“No? Ok. Leave the light on.”

“Mom, I don’t know where that possum is and I don’t want it to leap out at me. I want you to come out.” 

(Uhm, I don’t want it to leap on me either!)

“Cole, possums don’t leap.”

“How do you know they don’t leap?”

(I always trusted my mother unconditionally, where did I go wrong?)

“I’m your mother. I would not suggest you leave your car if I thought a possum would leap out at you.”

(Kid is not buying it)

“I’ll just park in front of the house tonight.”

Our neighborhood has had a number of car break-ins over the last few weeks, and I did not want to take any chances with Cole’s car so I agreed to go out to the garage. But first I had to make sure it was a possum.

“Cole, have you ever seen an possum?”

(the correct answer is NEVER)

“Not really.”

“Then how do you know it’s a possum and not a rat?”

“Mom, what difference does it make? I don’t want a rat to leap on me either…”

(I’m 16! It’s all about ME)

“Cole, you know I’m terrified of rats. Tell me what the critter looked like.”

Cole described the critter and I was reasonable sure it was not a rat. So, using dearly departed Joe’s name in vain, I picked up my poker and my trusty BBQ grill (you may remember these item from when I took on Devil Dog) and walked out to the garage. Just as I was opening the back gate, a damn mouse jumped out and I let out a string of creative curse words.

Concerned but still in the car, Cole yells from the window, “MOM, DID YOU GET THE POSSUM?”

(Yes–I just drove my poker through his heart and now I’m swinging him over my head by the tail, getting ready to send him sailing into the great beyond)

“No honey, not yet.”

Looking around the garage I didn’t see a possum lurking anywhere so I insisted Cole back the car into the garage while I watched to make sure the hiding possum didn’t run under the car. I didn’t want the possum in my garage, dead or alive. Next, I talked Cole out of the car by showing him my poker, grill shield and by growling fiercely. Together we ran back to the house, naturally Cole lead the way.

Back inside, Rascal (our Jack Russell), eager to make sure her brother was safe, greeted him with a cold nose ankle sniff, and sent my boy to the ceiling. Yes, I laughed…and laughed…and am still laughing. Cole was less amused.

The possum was never spotted, so we’re pretty sure he made it out of the garage.

It’s possumible that one day you too might encounter a possum, so let me share a few facts with you.

  • Possums are about the size of a cat; grey to black fur, black eyes; pink nose, feet and tail; black ears; and pointed nose.
  • They don’t travel in packs but are solitary and nocturnal: usually slow moving; and when they are unable to defend themselves they “play ‘possum”.
  • Hissing and growling while showing off there 50 sharp teeth is how they encourage you to GO AWAY when they are frightened but, in reality, they are gentle and placid and want to avoid confrontation. At least that’s their story and they are sticking to it.

Watch this short video (Thank You Nancy Leahy) for a little more information.

Several friends have said they could never in a million years go out to the garage to confront a possum, so I asked them what there alternative would have been. They just looked at me, clueless. Ya right. I am Mom; hear me roar.


{ 25 comments }

Julianne

Not a possum fan – you are a brave momma.

Katybeth

I’m not a fan either and I really wish these brave opportunities would STOP presenting themselves.

Nancy Leahy

You did the right thing! Naturally while my kid was walking to the house I would make him believe the possum was chasing him. I would not allow that opportunity to slip bye, not in your life! Nothing better than scaring ones own child! Especially boys they’re the biggest babies… just saying.

Julianne Joyce

Video is very funny – good find Nancy!

Katybeth

I wish I had thought of that…But at least Rascal did. I agree, why have kids if you can’t torture them.

Mike

Nothing is harmless when it’s hiding in your garage at midnight. I’m pretty sure I would have taken my chance with parking the car on the street. Cole is certainly going to have a few stories to share with his own kids someday.
Nancy, we aren’t babies we just aren’t as dumb as you think we are… 😀

TheKitchenWitch

The size of a cat? Holy shizzle! And I thought our vole problem was bad!
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Carolee

(Yes–I just drove my poker through his heart and now I’m swinging him over my head by the tail, getting ready to send him sailing into the great beyond)

“No honey, not yet.”
=====================
Laughing out loud! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has these dual conversations with my 16 y.o. son! Good job Mom…the stuff we do. 🙄

Katybeth

The stuff we do and never imagined we would do…..
Misery loves company!

Marcie Jensen

I am so happy it wasn’t a rat! See why every family should have a gun! LOL
MJ

Katybeth

Can you in your wildest dreams picture me shooting a possum? Or anything else for that matter. I do have a gun. It lives at your house.

Debbie

As a former resident of the great state of Texas, I’m totally with your mom — everybody should have a gun AND know how to use it! Kb, your story had me practically in tears from laughter — I can so see Domer reacting just as Cole did, though I doubt I’d have been as brave as you were! I’ve seen that Geico ad, too; in fact, that’s the one I was picturing while reading your story!
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Katybeth

You would have been brave because “A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do….” I had never seen the ad but found it very funny–in an odd sort of way.

Samantha

One of our cats adopted an orphaned, infant possum who lived under our back deck when it was tiny. Brambles used to clean it like it was her kitten and let it curl up with her to nap in the sun. Our vet said it would be rare for an infant to have rabies, so we kept food and water out for it until it began to forage for itself. When it was about six months old, it climed into one of the garbage cans (empty) and got stuck there, so we tipped it into a box and took it to our local wildlife recovery center where it was cared for and eventually released into the wild. Australian possums are much cuter – short nose and thick, soft furry tails. We had one run into our cabin at Cradle Mountain, but my sister threw it a piece of fruit for it, and it ran back out again for dinner! Weird and wonderful little critters. They don’t have rabies in Australia.

Katybeth

What a great story Samantha. So cute. If you have picture share one with me and I will add it to odd! I think all the Australian Marsupials are cuter! When i learned Kola’s could have a “temper” I didn’t believe it…
I don’t ever want to hurt anything but I would rather not have it jump out at me or live in my garage or house—we have enough “wild” life going on.

Sendie

This has made me laugh so hard!!!! Thansk for a great afternoon laugh Kb. But yeah.. we’re mama Bear!!!!
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Katybeth

Here us ROAR.

Carol Smith

The only good opposum is a road kill ‘possom. I see a lot of those on the roads around here. Millie had one cornered under a bush one night and I could tell by her barking that there was something there because she wouldn’t come when I called her. I got my trusty flashlight and went out there to see two beady eyes looking at me. I had to pick Millie up in order to get her to the house. Hate those things!!!! They remind me of a rat!

Katybeth

Those trusty terriers just won’t let up. Glad it was an possum and NOT a skunk!! They are a bit rat like…but enough different that they don’t terrify me in the same way. However, I don’t want leaving in my garage and one won’t live long if it chooses to venture into my yard…which is a whole other story!

Joann

Love your stories. I was holding my breath waiting to read what was lurking around. Glad it turn out fine. Cole will for sure have wonderful memories how his Mom came to the rescue. Super Mom strikes again!!

Katybeth

Lol…I think Super Mom needs a costume upgrade tho–I am working of it…and I think my mom needs to bring her gun and move in!!

Happy 4th. ♥

DebbieJ

This made my morning! Living in Georgia and Alabama hasn’t given me much sympathy for possums. Generally just see them on the side of the road. I hear people used to eat them…I’m guessing they were pretty hungry…
Yes, Moms everywhere do all sorts of things they don’t really want to for the kiddos. Love that Rascal scared the Boy with the cold nose trick!
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Katybeth

I do not know anyone that eats possums except maybe Granny in the Beverley Hillbillies :-D. What would you serve them with collard greens?
Rascal was my hero that night, for sure!

Dawn

See? Another story proving that Moms can do ANYTHING!

Katybeth

Yep ANOTHER story…and I am sure there will be more….OMG there will be more and more and more….I want my MOM.

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