Rant: Do I Know You? Is Carla Nuts? You Decide!

by on October 30, 2012

Today is Tuesday, and on Tuesday we rant! Cousin Carla wonders if she is nuts…..I’ll let you decide.

I hesitate to ask this, but am I crazy?  What has happened to appropriate social boundaries?  I think of myself as a moderate person in general but fairly liberal regarding social issues.  It doesn’t matter to me who you date, or sleep with; how you choose to raise your children; what clothes you wear or car you drive.  As far as I’m concerned for the most part it is none of my business.  I would never think to comment on a stranger or even an acquaintance’s private life.  It is called a private life for a reason and it encompasses many aspects including but not limited to diseases, sex life, divorce troubles, and spousal problems.  However, it has come to my attention that a lot of people don’t share my views.  I took a friends child to the movies tonight and was asked by the concession help if she was my daughter.  When I looked confused she explained that she just asked since I have dark hair and the child is blonde. Like that gave her the right to ask.  Yesterday while shopping for my new refrigerator the woman at home depot was giving me an estimate and asked for my name.  I said Carla and she replied that Carla was her best friend’s name in high school.  I smiled and said something inane like, “Oh?  With a C or a K?”  She burst into tears and sobbed, “She died the day after graduation in 1980.”  At that point I was at a loss.

Twenty years ago I was asked, when buying a pregnancy test, whether I hoped it would be positive or not.  I have had wait staff jump in to conversations I was having with a lunch date.  Being pregnant was the worst!  It was like pregnancy makes it okay for stranger to not only ask inappropriate questions like how much weight you’ve gained, but it also gives them the right to comment on how you’re carrying, where you’re carrying and to touch your stomach.

When introduced to someone I believe a handshake might be appropriate but certainly a hug is not.  Perhaps once we’ve spent some time together like a meal or a party then maybe I short hug, but not upon introduction.  Believe it or we are big huggers in my family.  We hug each other.  We hug our friends.  We just don’t hug perfect strangers. And you can forget about coming in for the air kiss or the European two-cheek kiss.  I mean aside from the movies, where does that actually happen without being really weird?  I am surprised by how many people try to get away with it.  I feel a little like the old Seinfeld episode where he puts his foot down against the kiss hello.

My latest problem is with people’s response to the question, “How are you?”  When did it stop being understood that this is just a social courtesy and not the opportunity to talk about your hemorrhoids, gout or other malady?  I have greeted acquaintances at the grocery with a hearty, “Hi!  How are you?” and gotten responses ranging from “Well my husband just left me but other than that I’m okay” to “Did you know I had a hernia operation” accompanied by a lifting of the shirt to show off the scar.  When Brad and I got divorced I still replied fine when people said how are you and then I sent out Christmas cards without him in the picture.  A little too subtle, perhaps?   Really I am just looking for a “Fine.  How are you?” so I can say fine and we can go on our merry ways.  If I want to know about the personal details of your life I will call you, or invite you to lunch or at least make an attempt to be your friend first.

Now let me ask again, am I nuts?

Carla

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Thank you Cousin Carla for sharing!  I can’t comment on wither Carla is nuts or not…she is family. However, the other day, when I was asked by a grocery store checker who I was voting for, I just smiled, and asked why she wanted to know. Odd friend Sue was told by a holy man, that a made up answer to a question, that is none of the other persons business, is never a lie. And then I think Sue or the Holy man added, so there! I can never remember the details.

What are your thoughts? Is Carla nuts?

Odd Loves Company!

{ 10 comments }

Sue

Yes, I quoted a sermon in a Catholic church by the pastor that when people ask you a question that is none of their business , you don’t have to answer truthfully and it is NOT a lie..I really resent it when people whom I hardly know ask me about my recent health issues…are they really caring or are they just nosey ? I would never dream of asking anyone a personal question..so when this happens, I just answer anyway I want to or I just ignore the question and change the subject..No Carla is NOT nuts ,so there !! 😀

Carol Smith

Definetly Not nuts. People are just too darn nosey for their own good. Need to mind their own business and not concern themselves with others.

Liz

Aren’t you from Florida? I think I remember insulting you by mistake once. Or am I confused? I agree people tell too much too soon these days but I think it’s because we all believe we know each other better than we do through facebook or twitter or maybe even e-mail. It’s still rude to ask personal questions and while I never minded a tummy pat when I was pregnant I would never offer one uninvited. I’m guilty of the hug and will try to work on this one. As far as a kiss on each check..you’re nuts I love it…I feel so worldly. Maybe, I’m nut’s?

irene

nothing wrong with playing it close to the vest.

Debbie

Cousin Carla is NOT nuts! Sadly, our society today either never learned or chose to ignore certain former “niceties.” Like manners. And she’s so right — being pregnant is the worst. How dare strangers think they can reach over and “feel” the baby inside you!!
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Sendie

Yes she is nuts…aren’t we all?
Joking aside, I think I might have been guilty of asking some of those ackward questions. When I first moved to the US, I thought everybody was a hugger so I hugged everybody! hahaha… I’m a nut case. 😀
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Marcie M. Jensen

Carla is not nuts! I absolutely hate it when someone I barely know starts asking me personal questions. Actually, you have to have known me really well for at least 30 years, to ask and get an answer to a personal question. I don’t tip if one of the waitstaff comments on what I ate!
Marcie

jill

not nuts! You simply take after your mother. Don’t touch me unless I know you and like you. Don’t ask questions that are personal because I will make up ridiculous answers to see if you really are stupid. Case in point when asked years ago why my mother was in a wheelchair I said she had been a missionary in Africa and had been attacked by a hippo. DADT

Carla Smith

So, from what I’m reading the consensus seems to be that I am moderately crazy. It makes me feel a little better that a lot of you agree with me especially about the questions. And Liz, yes I’m from Florida, maybe we met, but I don’t remember being offended. Nice to see the family showing their support!

Katybeth

Liz we humor her about the whole Florida thing…Shhhh.

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