Would you want just One More Day with the one you had loved? Or is one Goodbye more than enough for you?
I asked a rather silly question on my Odd Facebook page the other day: “What do I want for my birthday? My mother wants to know.” Most of the comments were pretty much what you would expect, but one pulled me up short.
It said, “One more day with Joe.”
Joe died without any warning. None. Zip. Nada. I have gone over the details at least a million times in my head, certain I had missed some clue. Even now, I frequently have feelings of, “How is this even possible?”
I can’t help but wonder, “Why did you leave us?” Toward the beginning of our relationship, I remember Joe asking me, “Do you ever walk out?” If he was hopeful, I disappointed him with my answer, “No.” As we stuck it out over time, we found this was a shared value. If we had one more day together, would he reassure us that he also wonders “Why?” Or would he share a bigger picture? No matter how big that picture was, could I accept that it did not include Cole and me?
If we had one more day together, what would I want? Well, I’m pretty certain I would not ask him to put the baseboards on. I think my list would include:
- Measuring his hand against Cole’s and drawing a handprint
- Asking him to make bacon bones for the pups and sing the “dem bacon bones” song.
- Having him tell Cole and me the story of Timmy and Toby the Dancing Bear who lived in the happy meadow, an adventure he made up as he went along.
- Running my hand across his face and having him hold his face against my check.
- Remember in the movie Ghost, where Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze walk through one another? I would wonder if that was possible and, of course, try it if it was.
- Family hug; I would want to feel being three again.
- I would want to fight just a little; to hear him say, “The thing is…” and “My point is….”
- Of course, I would ask him if he had a clue. Did he die stupid? Ignoring chest pains, shortness of breath? Or was he drop-dead surprised?
- Most of all, I would want to watch Cole and his dad together. Father and son.
Would I want “one more day together?” No. I hate goodbyes. I can live without ever knowing why. I’m not sure I could live with watching Cole being left again. If I can’t have a lifetime, I will pass on a day.
Death has parted us. We three have a different relationship. Sharing stories and memories keeps Joe present in our lives. Honoring and recognizing signs from Joe keeps us connected, and our frequent laughter reminds us that life goes on.
Tell Cole to look at his hand and he will know mine. He does not need a hand print.
Joe, I will hold you in my heart forever.
Katybeth. I will love you and Cole for eternity. I would never ever trade you two for the bigger picture. Ever.
Glad you were in my Odd neighborhood. Feel free to drop by any time. Odd Loves Company and odd loves you and you and you!! I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog, or on Facebook or Twitter!