Emily served hot ham and grilled cheese sandwiches to her WOW family for dinner – true comfort food on a blustery Chicago day.
My lunch sandwich was peanut butter and jelly. I enjoyed every bite.
Before, dearly departed Joe and I were married, my world revolved around three kinds of sandwiches: a tuna, apple, and pecan sandwich, peanut butter and jelly sandwich and ham and cheese sandwich (made with miracle whip). The end. I was happy.
Joe, on the other hand, believed every sandwich should be a work of art.
Based on Joe and my differences regarding sandwiches, I now believe that when two people make the decision to marry, they should be required by the sandwich police before the wedding to explore their views regarding sandwich making – perhaps even enter into prenuptial sandwich counseling.
This kind of frank conversation regarding sandwich preferences could prevent the following situations:
- One spouse, who has gently and kindly said at least 1,000 times, “I do not like tomatoes on my sandwich,” takes the tomatoes off of her sammie and thrusts them violently down the garbage disposal in front of, and to the horror of, her spouse the 1,001st time he put tomato on her sandwich because it “added texture and color.”
- Some people like Miracle Whip and others like mayo. The logical solution is to have one jar of each condiment and to make sandwiches using the preference of the person who will be eating the sandwich. It is illogical to insist that your spouse cannot tell the difference between mayo and Miracle Whip and put your choice of spread on her sandwich. I solved this problem by dumping the mayo out of the mayo jar and replacing it with Miracle Whip; in my case, this was the perfect solution – and Joe never noticed the difference. Our marriage was saved, but perhaps with sandwich counseling, both mayo and Miracle Whip could learn to be accepted and honored without judgment as part of the sandwich making process.
- The “quick sandwich” should be discussed. In my opinion, all sandwich making should take place one hour before the family is due to leave the house for any event, and sandwich making should never take priority over being on time for an event.
- Counseling should include the topic of whether a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is really a sandwich. Discussing this prior to the marriage could prevent a huge, unnecessary argument over a future child’s lunch box.
How you like your sandwiches is an important part of every lifelong relationship and should not be taken lightly. Perhaps wedding vows should include, “I will love, honor, and abide by your sandwich preferences until death do we part.”
How do you like your sammie? Odd Loves Company . . .