Welcome Back to What’s Your Purse-anality, Episode 5! Click here to read Part 1, Part 2  Part 3. Part 4

Last night we discussed Margaret Thatcher’s bag, and that got me thinking about Queen Elizabeth’s handbag, the classic Launer that always dangles from her left arm. I wondered what on earth a queen would need to carry in her purse, so I did a little research. It seems that inside the queen’s handbag you might find a portable hook, which is used to hang the purse discreetly under tables; reading glasses; mint lozenges; a fountain pen; a “precisely folded” £5 or £10 note on Sundays, which she donates at church; and a small mirror and lipstick. Queen Elizabeth also uses her handbag by positioning it at different angles to signal her attendants that she can’t wait to escape from the frightful bores in her company. Americans will be glad to know that when the Obamas visited the queen, the purse rested in the crook of the queen’s left arm, which means that she was pleased as punch with her guests.

Today our expert purse panel is ready to move on to the next set of purses and share their witty insights into their purse-analities. Please snap your purses together and offer a warm welcome to our first reviewers, Satchley Dupré and Bagwyn Bludd, who will review Katrina’s purse.

Satchley Dupré: What a terrific bag! I think my favorite part may be the colorful gee-gaws hanging off the side. It adds a lot of personality and a great splash of color. It would also indicate that Katrina is a fun-loving gal (and this was before I read about the knuckle duster and pack of condoms). The satchel-style bag shows that she likes to be hands-free when she is out spending the wad of cash stashed in her billfold. There is nothing too practical or superfluous packed in there, either. I’m guessing she likes (or perhaps needs) to travel light and make a quick getaway. I’m going out on a limb and saying I need to be friends with Katrina.

Purse Snatcher: Hello SEXY! This purse is giving me some tingling sensations. First of all, it seems very warm and fun. The tassels (for fun or from work?) attached to the side are more than the minimum required pieces of flair. The brown is very warm. It looks to me like a very comfortable broken-in leather jacket. The contents have been edited, surely. I don’t see a pair of handcuffs (again, for fun or from work?) or mace. If this woman is walking around Chicago she needs protection—by the way, condoms? The next giveaway as to this sexpot’s intentions is the heart key ring. Like so many men’s hearts, the key rings wrap neatly around her fingers. I wonder: Does she toss out the men’s hearts she uses and destroys like old, bent key rings? The well-used phone must be used to keep her men in line; I’m betting it’s password protected to avoid their prying eyes.

But wait, what’s this? A Topango Elementary School flyer? If this woman is a teacher I only have one thing to say: “Will you marry me?”

The next purse belongs to Yvonne and will be reviewed by Bag Lady and Hetty Bagliss.

Bag Lady: purse (pûrs) n. A woman’s bag for carrying keys, a wallet, and other personal items; a handbag. First of all, I love this purse. It’s got style and character (probably like the owner). When you look around the contents, you can’t help noticing this gal is ready for anything. Spending time listening to music, catching up on a book or heading to work. Side note: M.A.C. lipstick—great line, by the way. And a pink phone? I love pink! But this isn’t about me, so back to the purse. I noticed the plastic bag. This shows her concern for the environment, either by providing a bag for when she shops or, like me, being a dog owner, you never know when you might need one. Even though it may seem that this bag carries a lot, each piece is very carefully thought out, with each serving a purpose. Whereas my bag, at times, seems to fall into the catch-everything zone. Thanks for allowing me to rummage through your purse.

Hetty Bagliss: Is Yvonne a party girl? From the picture and jumbled, cluttered contents of her bag, I must assume the plastic bag is in case of an urgent and unexpected need to throw up. Sure, sure…the iPod is for learning Dutch. We know she is dancing the night away with friends, even if she does bring her own favorite playlist. I can only jealously guess that Yvonne is young and having a great time living abroad. Her purse is a mess because she is too busy living life to spend precious time cleaning out the cobwebs of her bag. Live large, Yvonne, while you can—and have a cocktail for me.

And last but no means least, Pepe le Purse and Georgia O’Satchel will take a look inside Suzanne’s purse. *Note since Suzanne was out of town, without a way to forward a purse picture, we googled the purse and she listed the contents. Isn’t technology grand! 

Pepe le Purse: Oooh la la! Ze little black bag blooms! Ze purse, of course, belongs to a woman of charm, a woman who has downsized her baggage, but not her style. Not froufrou, but not a millimeter of frump! Madame can run an organized household with one manicured hand behind her. She will never hold up checkout lines fumbling for payment; her cash and credit cards are in a smaller purse inside ze sassy bag for instant retrieval. Très bien! Ze admiring glances behind you are not just for your lovely pink blossom bag, Madame! Antacids…lip gloss…pen…keys…tissues. Only ze essentials… like her reserved parking tag! Madame is always ready for an outing with her friends. Those, too, she has chosen carefully. Ze little bag says, “I know where I’m going.” Madame is ready to soar.

Georgia O’Satchel: This purse obviously belongs to a well-organized woman with excellent taste. This purse is small, but she has everything she needs in it. The woman who owns this purse clearly loves beautiful, bold things. However, the parking pass and the Tums concern me. Has this lovely lady experience some upset in her life? Let’s hope, if this is the case, that she soon sends those troubles packing and that everything in her life turns out well and blossoms as beautifully as the flower on her purse!

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Thank you, reviewers! Your reviews were superb this evening! The staff at Odd is applauding you purse-fusely! Odd readers, we will see you back here tomorrow night for Episode 6 of What’s Your Purse-anality! Please add your thoughts, opinions and pithy observations by leaving a comment below. If you would like to ask questions our reviewers will do their best to answer them.  Odd Loves Company!

Pepe Le Purse would love it if you paid her a visit on her blog Merrilymarylee’s. I can promise you the click will be  prove entertaining, amusing  and perhaps enlightening!