The Orkin man came to solve our mouse problem. He arrived on time wearing all white, so I knew he was one of the good guys. But he did not have a large bug atop his vehicle, which was a bit disappointing because I wanted all the neighbors to know I was on top of our bug problem. He introduced himself as Mike and I refrained the entire time he was here from calling him Mickey.
Mickey—I mean Mike—took a look around, and then we sat down to discuss the problem. I offered him coffee because where I grew up, your exterminator becomes like a member of your extended family. (My mother had the same exterminator for over 20 years. He’d show up, kill a few roaches, pour himself a cup of coffee, sit down and visit with my mother for a while before moving on.) Mike declined my offer of coffee and went right to work outlining his exterminating plan for my house.
Mike: I have seen evidence of mice in your house [me too—like two little beady mouse eyes glaring at me in the middle of the night] and I have a plan to get rid of them for you. But first, can I ask you how many pets you have?
Me: I have four dogs.
Cole (who is home from school): Don’t forget the bird and fish.
Mike: Ok. Four dogs, a bird and a fish.
Cole: And we had a possum in the garage not long ago.
(Thank you for sharing Cole)
Mike: Is it gone?
Me: Yes, as far as I know.
Mike: Well, I suggest we put out some poison and glue traps to get rid of the mice.
Me: No glue traps.
Mike: Glue traps are very effective.
Me: I don’t want to hurt the mice. I just want to kill them.
Mike: (quizzical look)
Me: What I mean is that I don’t want to watch them die. Just poison them.
Mike: Ok. We will just put out the poison boxes and spray outside.
Cole: The outside poison won’t affect bats, right?
Mike: (quizzical look I’m becoming used to)
Me: Well, we had a bat a few weeks ago.
Mike: In your house?
Me: No, thank God. He was just hanging outside the front door. But I wouldn’t want to poison him with something you spray around the house with….
Mike: No, this poison shouldn’t affect bats, just bugs. Are spiders ok to kill?
Me: I really just want to get rid of the mice and any bugs in the house. I don’t want to go out of my way to kill anything outside.
Mike: We can just caulk up any obvious holes outside and spray at any entry points. Will that be ok?
Me: Sure, that works.
Mike scribbled notes on his paperwork, thanked me, told me he will back next month and to call the office if I have any concerns. He also mentioned I might see his partner more often than I see him.
After Mike left, I looked at my paperwork: “Homeowner has four dogs, one fish and a bird. Occasional possum in garage, bat by front door. Focus treatment on mice. Do not use mechanical trap or glue traps. Customer wants mice to die out of sight.”
What do you want to bet that I ended up being one of those odd “Lady of the house stories” that gets passed around the office and shared with family and friends?
The good news? Morty da Mouse seems to be gone.
Another Odd Mouse Story