Merry Christmas! Nearly Everybody!

★~♥~♥~★~ El Morno! ♥~★~★~♥ ~
December 25, 2012


Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called “unenlightened”.

To show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So…half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she’d had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts…why, he’d never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur…
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales…while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football…someone might get hurt,
besides – playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn’t figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy – with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere…even you!
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…




Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to
distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact.

8 thoughts on “Merry Christmas! Nearly Everybody!

    • Merry Christmas. No (I wish) I didn’t and finally found the original author. Adding to the post. Debbie, loved the Frosty Paws picture! I just saw it among the e-mails that have been adding up over the last couple of days! Thank you!!! I’m so glad your pup enjoyed it and hopefully it didn’t upset his tum.

  1. Don’t worry about being late, I knew it was Christmas Day. Merry Christmas!
    Kids should here in about an hour and I’ll take them out for Christmas breakfast. Tonight we will celebrate at my sisters. I did take her some of those German cookies and tonight I’ll take some wine.
    Christmas nap this afternoon. I’m getting to old to keep up with college kids.
    Enjoy your day. Remember I wil be off all week but still up early to start my day.

  2. Love this Katybeth. Christmas so far has been wonderful. Kids were surprised and grateful. Husband is putting in batteries, and racing cars on floor. I’m off to clean up and think about moving them out around 4pm for Christmas dinner.

    Merry Merry!

  3. isn’t that the truth? still…..we had a fantastic christmas day. two & four legged friends, good food & drink. all our dogs enjoyed frosty paws, too! hope your day was exceptional as well.

    • Yay. Frosty Paws! My pups were ticked to be left again..two nights in a row! Unheard of! I had to make it up to them with extra special treats. They are easily bribed.

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