One More Day With Joe?

/ Katybeth

Would you want just One More Day with the one you had loved? Or is one Goodbye more than enough for you?

I asked a rather silly question on my Odd Facebook page the other day: “What do I want for my birthday? My mother wants to know.” Most of the comments were pretty much what you would expect, but one pulled me up short.

It said, “One more day with Joe.”

Joe died without any warning. None. Zip. Nada. I have gone over the details at least a million times in my head, certain I had missed some clue. Even now, I frequently have feelings of, “How is this even possible?”

I can’t help but wonder, “Why did you leave us?”  Toward the beginning of our relationship, I remember Joe asking me, “Do you ever walk out?”  If he was hopeful, I disappointed him with my answer, “No.”  As we stuck it out over time, we found this was a shared value. If we had one more day together, would he reassure us that he also wonders “Why?” Or would he share a bigger picture?  No matter how big that picture was, could I accept that it did not include Cole and me?

If we had one more day together, what would I want? Well, I’m pretty certain I would not ask him to put the baseboards on. I think my list would include:

  • Measuring his hand against Cole’s and drawing a handprint
  • Asking him to make bacon bones for the pups and sing the “dem bacon bones” song.
  • Having him tell Cole and me the story of Timmy and Toby the Dancing Bear who lived in the happy meadow, an adventure he made up as he went along.
  • Running my hand across his face and having him hold his face against my check.
  • Remember in the movie Ghost, where Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze walk through one another? I would wonder if that was possible and, of course, try it if it was.
  • Family hug; I would want to feel being three again.
  • I would want to fight just a little; to hear him say, “The thing is…” and “My point is….”
  • Of course, I would ask him if he had a clue. Did he die stupid? Ignoring chest pains, shortness of breath? Or was he drop-dead surprised?
  • Most of all, I would want to watch Cole and his dad together. Father and son.

Would I want “one more day together?” No. I hate goodbyes. I can live without ever knowing why. I’m not sure I could live with watching Cole being left again. If I can’t have a lifetime, I will pass on a day.

Death has parted us. We three have a different relationship. Sharing stories and memories keeps Joe present in our lives. Honoring and recognizing signs from Joe keeps us connected, and our frequent laughter reminds us that life goes on.

Katybeth.

Joe.

Tell Cole to look at his hand and he will know mine. He does not need a hand print.

Joe, I will hold you in my heart forever.

Katybeth. I will love you and Cole for eternity. I would never ever trade you two for the bigger picture. Ever.

Glad you were in my Odd neighborhood. Feel free to drop by any time. Odd Loves Company and odd loves you and you and you!! I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog, or on Facebook or Twitter!

Katybeth



25 thoughts on “One More Day With Joe?”

  1. Wow. So much I want to say to you. You made me cry over here! If I had one more day with my sister I would bring her up here, sit on that bench by the river and talk alll day. I love that you shared your one more day wishes with us. They were perfect. Love ya, KB! 🙂

    • I wish you could have that one more day with your sis. However, if you go to that place on the beach, point your painted toes, and sit quietly..I bet you can talk and feel her closeness. It won’t be the same. It sucks. But you can tell her that to!

    • Glad you open the door. As always it is so reassuring when you drop by Odd….Julianne you radiate reassurance, somehow I always feel a little braver when you are near by! I bet you hear that a lot!

      Kb

  3. Simply beautiful! I am so happy you and Joe had the time together that you did. It is obvious you loved each other so very very much! One more day? I know in my heart I couldn’t do it. Like you said, saying goodbye again……..
    Thanks for sharing! Have a wonderful weekend!

  4. Incredible! It is incredible how you share and ignite such emotions. We all have lost someone we love so deeply that it hurts to breathe when we think of them. I do not think that pain ever ends. At least that is how I feel losing my brother. And believe me I reflect the concept of ” one more day” all the time. But like you I’ve learned to celebrate the wonderful times and push away the bad. Embrace the future with an amazing young man who will continue to bless you beyond measure. He has the best of his father in his DNA and nothing can ever change that, thank goodness! I know for me as tragic as it was to lose my brother I have learned to trust God and believe His plan to have Danny in heaven is the right plan. We do not understand His ways. Because we are only here 70-100 years if we are lucky. You said it yourself God is working with eternity. He gave Joe more time in heaven as a blessing. Heaven has no pain, no sickness, no seperation from even our love ones. We are spirits in heaven and Joe is not parted from you. So you see Joe has it all. He has you and Cole and Joe has the gift of being with the Almighty in paradise. Joe was called sooner rather than later. He must have been very special!

    • Thanks Nancy. I have a feeling God got more than he bargained for, tho!! and that thought makes me smile. I’m not sure what actor said after losing a child…”you never get over it…it just gets different.” True, I think.
      Robert Frost said “I can sum up everything I have learned about life in three words, It Goes On.”

      As always, Nancy thank you your thoughtfulness!
      Katybeth

  6. One more day with my beautiful Kevin. I have thought about that for four years now. Our last words to each other were “I love you, and be safe”. Had I known that was the last time I would see him I would have hugged him longer before he walked out the door and back to school. Family hug – definitley, something he initiated all of the time. Watch Kevin and his brothers Patrick and Aidan pounce on each other one more time.

    Someone told me; “Everyone and everything that you know and love on earth is heaven”. That gives me a peaceful feeling knowing that Kevin has taken apart of us with him. As his spirit will live on in all of us.

    I am a friend of Julie’s, and I enjoy reading your blog. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing.

    • It sucks doesn’t it Janie? “Everyone and everything that you know and love on earth is heaven” Lovely and I think that connection means every thing.

      So glad you stopped by Odd! All my best,

      Katybeth

  7. Allthough we have never met, I know your sadness in a different way. I lost my son just before his 5th. birthday. I have asked that Q. many times and the answer is most definitly no, for the pain is so extreme I would have to leave with him if I got one more day to hold his little hand and squeeze 3 times (I LOVE YOU) May God Bless you and your son and always know he is waiting for you when your job here is finished this I believe with all my heart. thank you for sharing

    • Oh Tina, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry. I’m not sure how parents survive the heartbreak of losing a child. Leave again? How could that ever be possible. Once is impossible enough. I believe we all meet up again, as well….love is a connection that is never broken. Thank YOU for sharing.

      Katybeth

  10. This post is so beautiful, yet so painful…one more day is never enough in my opinion. When my brother died I remember people at his funeral saying ” time is the only remedy for this pain”….over the years I have found this to be so true..only time…every day it gets a wee bit easier…I love you and Cole and I loved Joe….

    xoxo

    • Linda,

      I never knew you had a brother who died? How did I miss this? If given the chance, the wish, the opportunity…would you want one more day? Time the great healer. I’m not sure who said it but they were wise.

      Lots and Lots and Lots of love back to you and Alex

      Kb

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  13. Thank you Teresa, for inviting me to this site. And thank you, Katybeth for making a place for us to come and share. My heart goes out to all of you. Through our tragedies, we have a place where we can feel comfortable to share, understand eachother and not have to feel as if we are walking through this life alone. We have the opportunity to be hopeful and offer hope to others.

    I had one more day with Jim and I didn’t know it. He did. The clues were there, but I had no idea he had the strength to leave. It has changed our lives forever, but we know what’s truly important — LOVE. I have two hats of Jim’s. They smell like him. And when I am sad, I go and get them and the smell on them remind me of the times when we would just sit together and comfort eachother. He was my best friend and he always will be.

    Diane

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