Tech No Life Drama
It occurs to me that at times, RARELY, I seem a bit out of the ordinary. Unique. Strange. Different. But recently something has happened. I seem to be losing touch. Separating even further from the fabric of society. Writing sentences that aren’t sentences at all. Fragments. Without the noun/verb structure we have come to enjoy.
I have searched my soul and I think I have found the way back, and that path is being forged by my Mother. As you know, she’s insane. But you may not know that she has recently illustrated to me just how far off the beaten path I have strayed. You see, it was my mother who told me to join Facebook. My mother, the septuagenarian, has a GPS and a robot vacuum cleaner. I still have basic cable! She has Tivo, a massage chair and a robot coffee maker. I have a VCR. She has a special air conditioner for her bedroom in addition to her house a/c. I have a fan. She now has a cell phone and if she starts texting I may lose my last finger hold on reality. I understand that she’s hip, but it’s me that needs hip replacement, I need to know how to choose a massage chair and I can’t bear the embarrasment of asking her how to. How can this have happened? My independent, widow-woman mother has been high-speed-internetted into the world of technology. She just Rhoomba’d and Tivo’d by me as I stupidly made phone calls with my cell phone, watched whatever TV was on at the time, and fell deeper into the abyss of senility.
So I ask you, beg of you, to please let me in on your hidden secrets. I need a time machine to get to TODAY, never mind the future. There must be something you use from antiquity. A slide rule sitting in a desk gathering dust or a cell phone bigger than a shoe could be just the sign I need that time has indeed not passed me by, but has wandered ahead while I stopped and napped. Do you have a tube TV, or a microwave with a dial and NOT a digital timer, or even a grill that uses charcoal? Let me know what you think so I can try to make sense of this crazy thing called technolife.
Cousin in the 21st century.
Note from Katybeth: My life is full of gadgets, it just is, but I feel awful that my cousin is feeling so lonely. Help him out in the comment section by sharing what old-fashioned tools you still cherish! Odd Loves Company!
Other Posts by Craig
8 thoughts on “Technolife? Help!”
Strangely, I am with Craig on this one. I also have no DVR, never even learned how to program a VCR actually. If I miss a show on TV, I just missed it. There is no catching it later unless you count randomly happening upon it in reruns. I prefer putting pen to paper rather than email or texting. I don’t own a GPS like my Mom does. I have barely graduated from a broom to a push vacuum. I don’t think I’ll ever make it to the Roomba phase. I also still read books while my Mom prefers her Kindle. I am a stone age girl in a space age world.
Our grill uses charcoal. And a cheap gadget from Walmart that is about 7 years old, rusted to heck, but it fires up the coals like nobody’s business! Our big old convex screen TV has no remote so we have to “gasp” either get up to change the channel or put up with whatever crap is running on the station we are too lazy to change. My 17 year old son and I have gravitated to the Discovery Channel and there we sit. We both know more about sharks now than I every would have though possible!
Who knew…you hide your NO Tech Life so well behind your IPHONE! Thanks for commenting, Craig is sure to appreciate your lack of Big Screen.
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