The other day when I picked Cole up from school, I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He glanced at me briefly, said no, and went back to the toilet paper app on his iPhone. “Cole,” I said in my calm mother voice, “Let’s try this again with a little more effort or I will throw you and your iPhone out the window. DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING NEW ABOUT ME?”
The first rule in both mothering and dog training is to get their attention. Cole wondered if I got a new haircut. No. Did I buy a new sweater? Beep. Oh, wow, my nails look so nice! Nice try. Did you get your eyebrows waxed? UH? Anxious to return to unwinding the toilet paper on his iPhone, and clear that he was not going to be let off the hook, Cole leaned in, stared at me intently and then smiled the smile he is famous for. “MOM, YOU CAN HEAR!” Bingo.
After thirteen years of progressive hearing loss, countless visits to ear, nose, and throat specialists, limiting dairy and trying other homeopathic suggestions, I decided I was too young to not be able to hear, and I bought a state of the art hearing aid!
My Unitron hearing aid has channels and memories. It auto-adjusts to the environment and is bluetooth compatible. It does just about everything except let out the dogs and cook dinner. It also comes with a replacement guarantee, so if I drop it in my coke or a dog eats it, I am covered! As my granny used to say, “You couldn’t want no more.” Really, I couldn’t.
While making this decision, I did have a brief conversation with Joe. Sometimes, I feel like I’m living the life of the Ghost and Mrs. Ruscitti. (Only some of you will understand this reference). Joe says, “I always said you should get a hearing aid. You would have been able to hear ME better. My point is … why did you wait so long?” Oddly enough, I did exactly what I used to do when he was alive and I did not want to hurt his feelings. I lied. “Honey, it just seemed like so much money at the time, and I knew you could hear well enough for both of us, but now that you died and left me all alone, hearing has become a priority.” Take note of these important life lessons that I am so freely sharing with you. The truth is overrated, and always lie close to the truth. Remember these lessons, even when you are conversing with a person who appears to be dead.
Cole was delighted with my new hearing devices, even sacrificing his tp game to examine them and try them on. He called them BIONIC. We then spent a few minutes reminiscing about some of my non-hearing moments.
“Mom, do you remember the lady in line with us at Target? You thought she said her sister gave her a tattoo and really her sister gave her a perm?” Ok, but either way she had an allergic reaction. I said I was sorry and hoped the medication made her feel better! “Mom, do you remember when you thought I said there was a bat upstairs but was really just looking for the cat?” Well really, both words are remarkable similar, and aren’t we lucky that I did not hit the cat with the broom and toss it in the bag! Ah yes, the good old days, replaced by my new bionic hearing device. I wonder if Cole will figure out I can now hear his back seat conversations with his buddies, and his mutterings as I make a request of his time. It will no longer work when he looks at me, smiles and says, “Mom, what DID I SAY?” The kid’s smart-ass days are so over.
As lovely as it has been being able to hear again, it has also been an adjustment. My brain and my sense of hearing have had to be reintroduced. The first time I flushed the toilet, I scared myself silly! Who knew water was so loud! Sonic, actually. I was certain my car was falling apart until I discovered the concerning noise was my turn signal. My kitchen timer, the one I could not hear for years, is loud of enough to keep the demons at bay.
The 13-year-old living with me is a one-boy band of whistling, cracking, scraping, squeaking, banging, dropping, farting, and yes mother you are right, he does sometime smack. Someday though, he reminds me, I will miss those boy noises. Well, yes, most of them anyway.
I’m looking forward to living out loud with you!
Glad you were in my Odd neighborhood. Feel free to drop by any time. Odd Loves Company and odd loves you and you and you!! I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog, or on Facebook or Twitter!
I bought my hearing aid through Tru Hearing because they were associated with my insurance providers discounts. The audiology appointment was professional and free. I liked the service they provide and would recommend them. I am not associated with them in any way other than being a Happy Customer. Click this link if you would like to find out more. http://www.truhearing.com/ I dealt with Miles Feiler 877-282-4040 (ext-1165).
The hearing aid I purchased is a Unitron Passport however Tru Hearing does have a number of different products in a wide variety of pricing depending on your hearing needs.
9 thoughts on “Bionic Ears! I Can Hear You NOW!”
Nice piece of oddness!
Very glad you can hear! The campers need to be on their best behavior now, since you now have bionic ears to hear mischief, before it even happens
May all the sounds of life ring in your new year.
Love that you can hear – welcome to the world of boy noises! You are the most techy chick I know!
Funny you should mention that Adelaide, Rascal was surprised but not amused when she realized I could hear her opening the garbage can door. Hearing certainly has it advantages and not picking up strewn garbage may be one of them!
You outed me–the real reason for the hearing aid is it was the only gadget I do not own (according to my mom).
You give Dooce a run for her money, Dearie! Nice post.
Thanks Cynthia! Dooce? MMMMM.
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