This past weekend I made a trip to Topeka, Kansas. As I left the Kansas City airport, I noticed a lot of gift shops carrying t-shirts and hoodies that read, “Nothing Tips Like a Cow.” Really? Honest to God, I had never, ever considered tipping a cow.
My friends on Facebook were somewhat useful when I asked, “What do you know about cow tipping?”
Adelaide answered first, “There must not be much in the way of entertainment in Topeka.” Adelaide is from the thriving metropolis of Albuquerque, New Mexico!
Julianne explained that her son studied cow tipping in his college town of Iowa. Her son told her that since he played football, it was a required form of training. She was smart enough not to buy that bull!!
Teresa, who always takes the psychological angle, commented, “The question one could pose is, ‘Why wouldn’t they?’”
Joann is much more practical and said simply, “Because they can.”
Hawk offer a scientific reason for cow tipping. “Cow tipping is a time-honored tradition of non-action. Most of its adherents are more consumed with the drinking of beer (or in some cases, Coke) and the passing of gas than the actual act of “cow tipping,” because, quite frankly, more than 95% of the time there are no actual cows present to tip, and the remaining 5% of the time, the cows are not roughly handled. In point of fact, not handled at all because of the importance of the aforementioned beer and/or soft drink consumption. I hope this has cleared up a few things. I am now off to make preparations for my own High Cow Tipping Ceremony to be held at my home this evening. Am I milking this too much?”
Half of us thought he was, and half of us thought he wasn’t.
Cynthia suspected that cow tipping was similar to watching submarine races.
Dona explained that cow tipping wasn’t bull, but most of the time a bull lived in the pasture with the cow. Even kids that were piss-ant drunk were smart enough to stay out of the pasture and away from the bull.
I was not cowvinced that my Facebook friends had the real poop on cow tipping, so I went out into the pasture to do a little investigative reporting – Cow Tipping: Fact or Fiction?
Dona and Jullianne were right! There really is a rural pastime called cow tipping, which is favored by liquored-up country kiddies with nothing better to do on a Saturday night.
Having established that cow tipping was not a lot of B.S., I was interested in some cow tipping tips. First, I watched this video:
I wrote down some key cow tipping points. After all, if you are going to tip a cow do it right or don’t do it all.
- Be really young, really stupid, and really drunk.
- Drive with a half a dozen of your most brainless friends (the one driving should be the sober, smart one in the bunch) to some nearby farmer’s field.
- Learn to recognize a cow. This is important. Real important. The best description I read came from Billy Sue in Montana. “A cow is a cow and a bull is a bull. A bull has one thingy hanging down under its belly and at the other end is a delicacy called Rocky Mountain oysters that some of our kin in the Ozarks like. A cow has four thingies called teats that are attached to a large bag called an udder. You only want to try to tip a cow. Look first, because if you try and tip a bull you will give new meaning to the words Holy Cow!”
- There are two tippers – usually the fastest and dumbest ones in the group – who climb over the fence, sneak up on a snoring cow, push the cow, and then run like hell.
- Watching a cow tip over is apparently the sort of Zen experience that only those with higher cowsciousness can properly appreciate.
Now there are those who say this is all a bunch of bulloney.
- Two researchers (there’s a grant for everything) from University of British Columbia did some calculations and figured that tipping a cow would actually take a lot more force than a couple of sloshed jocks could generate. Specifically, it would require 4.43 people to push the cow’s center of mass past the point of no return. In other words, it’s technically possible, but a lot of work.
- Cows don’t sleep standing up. (I knew that!) In any case, another option might be to sneak up on a cow that was lying down and roll it over!
- Cows push back. Well, can you blme them? They just brace their four legs against the dim-witted two-legged human and push back. The cows then laugh at how easy it is to tip the scales on a stupid human.
- Cows don’t just stand in the pasture like inanimate objects holding signs that say tip me, tip me, tip me. One can easily imagine them kicking, running, jumping, or charging – sending a tipster flying over the fence head first.
Before I clicked my ruby red Keen sandals, said there is No Place Like Home and boarded my Southwest flight, I stopped at the airport gift shop and bought Cole a cow tipping t-shirt.
Cole immediately put on his new t-shirt, grinned, and said, “Don’t I just look bullish?”
For everyone’s sake, I hope everyone just lets ol’ Bessie be
Glad you were in my Odd neighborhood. Feel free to hang around with us any time. Odd Loves Company and odd loves you and you and you!! I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog, or on Facebook or Twitter
15 thoughts on “Cow Tipping In Topeka”
Like you, I’d heard of this dubious practice but never believed it. Although I do believe the drunk part.
Yhea–they were probably so drunk…they thought they tipped a cow….
I have to side with the “experts” on this one and say that cow tipping is more of an urban legend (or should I say rural legend). As a long time Topeka resident I can honestly tell you that this town has so much going on that no one has time for it anyway. Although, it might be fun to try!
I had a wonderful time in Topeka at the Doberman Dog Show at the Capital Hotel. It seemed like a busy city.
We will take your expert word as the last word on Cow Tipping in Topeka!
Thanks for dropping by Odd.
Just wondering…do you think “Hawk” would invite me to his cow tipping ceremony…I think I could really learn a lot from him…of-course I don’t want to be pushy… 😀
Did you understand Hawk? I was a little confused. Is he for or against cow tipping and where exactly did he get his figure of 95%??mmm.
Katybeth, how do you come up with these topics? I would suggest you need to get out more…but I don’t think that is the problem!! As always you fascinated and amused me!! 😀
Beverley, I’m sure Hawk would love to have you attend his next High cow tipping ceremony. in fact I am sure he would be delighted!! I will make sure he knows that you are interested!! Beverley, only you would have for the numbers to be backed up! ♥
Glad you both stopped by!
I was wondering if they had self service milking stations in Kansas and if the cows were expecting a tip. Silly me, you were talking about tipping cows over, a practice I had never heard of before now. Always good to learn new things.
self service milking stations? Nick? You are odd!! and I like that about you!
Thanks for dropping by!
Half and Half, Katybeth? This was not lost of me and I groaned!
This was fun!
Wellll! I thought it was kind of subtle! You are just sharp as a tack!
Thanks for being part of the fun!! ♥
🙄 Your mind works in a wonderfully ODD way. If them bulls catch them, they want be drunk enough. I do like Hawks explaination. I think I will read it a few more times to make sure I understand. 😀
And when you do understand it–be sure to let both Lucy and Beverley in on the secret!
I know there is a country western song about–I think its called Down On The Farm–that warns about the Bull and staying out of the pasture! ♥
The t-shirt begs the question: how well do cows tip?
Oh about (
) this well! ♥
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