Multi-Tasking, Stylish, Hoohaa’s


Multi-Tasking, Stylish, Hoohaa’s: Let me only say…I really had a tough time with the picture part of this post.

Cousin Carla Rants…

Ever since our conversation the other night I have had noticed more and more the current vagina obsession.  I think it started with the Vagina Monologues.  I told you I went to see it several years ago.  I’m not sure why I went.  I thought it was going to be some kind of female rant against humanity.  You know, the kind where they talk about the unfairness of things like pantyhose, childbirth and having to carry a purse.  Believe me when I tell you I was totally freaked out when I realized it was literally two hours of three women talking about vaginas.  It is exactly what the name says it is.  When one of the performers said, “Every one of us has taken a hand mirror and looked at our vagina, right?”.  I started laughing hysterically because I thought that was the joke.  Who in their right mind would want to look at their own vagina.  Then I looked around and noticed everyone nodding, including the gay man to my left, and it struck me.  They have all done this?! WHY??? and why am I sitting here listening to them talk about it?

Years later I realized that the vagina had become the easy entrance for surgeons.  Now not only did babies come out that way but it seemed your gall bladder could too. Then, I guess because I am a woman of a certain age (around 50 or so) I noticed about 10 years ago several of my friends started having all kinds of surgery on their nether regions.  It got to where you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting a woman without a uterus.  Those who still had the uterus had ovaries removed, fibroids taken out, or had kidney stones blasted apart . . . all through the vag.

In the past five years or so personal grooming in the southern hemisphere became a topic of public conversations.  It started with all of the douche products.  Floral scented, musk scented, unscented and my personal favorite “Clean” scent.  I recently joined Groupon and at least once a week I get an offer for hair removal. Suddenly you could actually style your pubic hair.  Men started developing preferences about it.  Bikini waxing became much more complicated.  There was Brazilian waxing, French waxing, who knows what the difference is?  There are women who get it ALL waxed off.  A friend of mine who works at a salon told me there is something called “Betty dye“.  It is hair dye specifically made for pubic hair.  Really!!  Now you can not only style your vag hair you can get it dyed to match your panties, that is if you have any left to dye after the waxing.

Last month I almost drove into a ditch when I saw a billboard announcing “vagio-plasty“.  It is actually cosmetic surgery on your vagina.  My first thought was, “In this economy who can afford plastic surgery?”.  My second thought, “You must have a lot of money if you have fixed everything else and are now working on the vag!”  I mean really, how pretty does it need to be?  I understand nose jobs, liposuction, breast augmentation, face lifts, but a vagina lift?  Really?  When people get plastic surgery they usually want you to notice. They look younger after their face lift.  They look skinnier after their lipo.  Their boobs are so perky after the breast augmentation that you almost have to reach out and touch them.  I do not want to see the “before” or the “after” shot of the vagina and I certainly don’t want to touch it.  I also couldn’t help but wonder how far down in your class of plastic surgeons do you have to graduate to decide on focusing on vagio-plasty.  Were all the other parts of the body already spoken for?
Sourced statistics:

I am not a prude person however, I am taking a stand against the vagina as part of public conversation.  I would like for all women to “put on our big girl panties . . . ” and stop talking about what goes under them!



17 thoughts on “Multi-Tasking, Stylish, Hoohaa’s

  1. I saw VM and did not really get it–I heard you can now pierce and buy jewels for the “nether regions.”
    It could be coffee conversation but I would rather talk about the latest sale at Chico’s.

    Great Rant-Carla

  2. I’m not at all offended by vagina talk. Granted, I’m a nurse and work in the field of infertility, but even so, my close girlfriends and I have had the occasional discussion regarding vaginas (in general, not necessarily a personal blow-by-blow), sex, men, weight gain, work, casseroles, laundry detergent, etc. I don’t consider it something shameful. I look at it as one of many subjects women converse about, because let’s face it, women like to converse with other women. And when women converse, the subject matter has a habit of going every which way and that’s what makes us so damn interesting. I can see it becoming an uncomfortable subject matter in mixed company or amongst women outside of your close inner circle of friends, but it’s also an area of great interest to many. Grooming, appearance of, etc., is not such a bad thing, in my opinion. Carla, your rant today was hysterical. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings about such a taboo subject. I find you refreshing! 🙂

    • Carla!!!
      Teresa thinks you are “refreshing!” Hard to beat that with a stick.
      I had to laugh because I can’t imagine in all the years that our moms had coffee with the neighbors this subject ever came up–but now I kind of wonder?

  3. Teresa I can see your point about the vagina coming up in private conversation. In fact some strange things start happening down there around 45 or so. I started calling friends to see if my “strange things” were normal or doctor appt worthy. I had to call six friends before I found one who still had a uterus at that age. Anyway, I am just opposed to it becoming part of the communal, “talk to a stranger on a bus” topics.
    As for the Betty Dye, let me know how that works out for your “Friend”.

  4. I haven’t seen the whole show of the “Vagina Monologues”, but did see a couple of clips a few years ago performed by a local actress with a British accent…hysterically funny!

    After having three kids (the second child’s birth was witnessed by a bunch of nursing students), there’s not much that I’m self-conscious about…


  5. Years ago I used to work with a woman who put conditioner on her pubic hair and tied a baby ribbon bow in it whenever she went to the gynecologist. She wanted to make sure that hers looked “special.”

  6. You forgot to mention Vajazzling (a sprakly vag makeover with crystals). I know, it blew my mind too, but people are actually paying for this and from what I’ve heard you can do it at home too. Love the post, KB. Hugs, Diane

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