Did you read the directions?

/ Katybeth

Did you read the directions!!

Cleaning out some old file folders the other day, I found this list of odd warnings for everyday products. Let me share them with you, along with a few of my pithy comments. Please feel free to add a little pithy of your own.

  • Sears hair dryer (blow dryer): “Do not use while sleeping.”  Sears clearly does not understand the value of multi-tasking.
  • On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”  Shoplift in order to win.
  • Dial Soap: “Use like regular soap.”  And that would be how?
  • Swanson Frozen Dinners: “Serving Suggestions: Defrost.” It’s only a suggestion, though.
  • Tesco’s tiramisu dessert: (Written on bottom of box) “Do not turn upside down.”  Oops.
  • Rowenta Iron: “Do Not Iron Clothes On Body.”  Another product that isn’t a time saver.
  • Boots Children’s cough medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”  Do not let your five-year-old drive the car with a head cold.
  • Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May Cause Drowsiness.” One would hope.
  • Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use.” And what exactly would my other option be?
  • Japanese Food Processor: “Not to be used  for other uses.” I’m curious–are you?
  • Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: Contains nuts.”  Really?
  • American Airlines package of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”  Step 3: Fly Southwest.
  • Child’s Superman costume: “Warning: This costume does not enable you to fly.” Parents watch way too much television.
  • Swedish chain saw: “Do not attempt to stop chain saw with your hands or genitals.” Good grief!
  • Bottle of Palmolive dishwashing liquid: “Do not use on food.” Damn, out of pancake syrup again. Oh wait! I’ll just use a little Palmolive dishwashing liquid.
  • All laundry detergent: “Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.”  Post a NO SWIMMING sign on your washing machine.

Remember, always read the instructions first. It just makes good sense. Or does it?

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11 thoughts on “Did you read the directions?”

  3. “This costume does not enable you to fly?” Could prove fatal if the kid can’t read OR the parents don’t read the instructions!

    • Exactly—what if they ignore the suggestion and put the kid the costume and…..well that is just to awful to think about!! I hope this warning if really written in BIG LETTERS

      ♥

  4. Its NOT funny. I turned my tiramisu upside down to read the directions written on the bottom of the package (Trader Joe’s) because I thought it was frozen and it was frozen but my tiramisu still fell apart. The warning should read–Idiot, you just blew it but for next time…..
    I ate mangled Tiramisu AND felt stupid. It was not a good day 😥 The rest are very funny tho–Although I do hope men read the directions on the saw 😯

    G.

  5. My take on these warnings is that if it’s on a warning label, as ridiculous as it may sound, it is highly probable that someone, somewhere, at some point, tried whatever you are being warned not to do. My favorite is when I suffered from insomnia and had to take prescription sleeping pills for a short time. The biggest warning on the leaflet was MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS…Duh, you think? I would have been highly disappointed had it not caused drowsiness. Great post, Katybeth.

  6. This isn’t quite the same, but I remember my son-in-law reading to us from the instruction book for his new Canon camera: “Chapter 10 – How to Shoot Women and Children.” Gently and carefully!

    Wendy

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