Wanted: New Dream Weaver

Why were you up at 1:35am in the morning?? Do you ever sleep?

I’m often asked this question, and I’m going to answer you right now. I have important things to think about, problems to solve, and concerns to take care of, and sometimes the day just does not hold enough hours to give them their due.

When I can’t sleep, the first thing I do is check Facebook. I wonder if I have a Facebook addiction? If I have a Facebook addiction, does that mean I have an internet addiction, and if I have an internet addiction, does that mean I will soon be hungry, alone, wandering the Chicago streets pushing a grocery cart with my laptop, camera, and iPad, followed by my pups, my campers, and Cole, who keeps asking me why I fed him pork roast for lunch and dinner for three days in a row? Could you sleep with all this on your mind?

My current dream weaver has become lazy. I wake up at 2:30am with dream dissatisfaction.

Wanted: Dream Weaver. Must use original material. Must be able to present drama in an organized manner, color within the lines, stay clear of stunts that include falling, drowning, fire, or the endless pursuit of looking for someone or remolding something.  Artsy dreams are fine as long as they have a point. Prefer light, funny dreams – the kind of dreams you can talk about on Facebook the next day.  Must filter out Joe as needed; he tends to be a dream hog at times. Sound effects that include cell phones and alarm clocks are not funny and must be avoided.

Sometimes, I wake up because I need to go to bathroom, but if I put one toe on the floor, all my campers will wake up and insist I take them outside and feed them. So I have to hold it until morning or let everyone out at 2:30am, and if I let them out, they will expect to eat, and if I feed them … I might as well unload the dishwasher, organize the pantry, and before you know it, Cole is wandering into kitchen asking if we have milk for the Froot Loops.

So instead of going to the bathroom, I usually distract myself by wiggling my toes in case I’m really in the hospital, in a coma, and “they” are considering pulling the plug.

Me and Myself will show up and insist that “I” have a relationship conversation. Me and Myself never want to talk at a reasonable hour. Soon, bored or annoyed with Me’s self-centeredness, I start to think about penguins and becomes uneasy. I doesn’t know why. Long after Me and Myself have stormed off, I lies awake thinking about penguins.

I might be kept awake because Cole discovered he can crack his ankle and he wants me to tell him “who he inherited this skill from.” I am stuck trying to remember if this comes from my side of the family or Joe’s. Cole expects an answer in the morning.

Speaking of expecting, sometimes I lie awake expecting my miracle to show up. After all, who would want to be asleep when their miracle arrived?

Now that I have shared some of the reasons I was updating my Facebook status at 2:30am, I want to share some ways of whiling away the wee hours. Perhaps you will find them useful when the sandman skips over you.

Blink wildly and then close your eyes very tightly.  The light show your mind produces is electrifying.

Trying to kiss your elbow or swallow your tongue is amusing.

Invent new twitches. Here are a few examples:  flick your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises. I practice these at night so I can annoy Cole on the way to school in the morning.

When Joe use to wake me up in the middle of the night by grabbing me by the shoulders and screaming, “Hang on! The bed is rising!” or by yanking me by the arm and saying, “Hurry! We have to run, they are coming!” or my personal favorite, screaming, “Where is Cole?” he would fall promptly back to sleep after discovering he was “only dreaming.”  The pounding of my heart, however, kept me awake for hours. To amuse myself, I would pull several hairs out my head and put them in his ear.

What can I say, I am easily amused.

What keeps you up late at night and how do you amuse yourself? My inquiring mind wants to know as long as your list doesn’t include wondering why you aren’t driving a car with a bumper sticker that says, “My kid is an honor student at XYZ school.”

Glad you were in my Odd neighborhood. Feel free to hang around with us any time. Odd Loves Company and odd loves you and you and you!! I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog, or on Facebook or Twitter!


12 thoughts on “Wanted: New Dream Weaver

  1. I have been worried about bed bugs, and then I worried about those eggs I had bought for breakfast, and then I thought but what about the poor people who don’t have eggs, and then I began to think about the economy–and then I wondered if why I had put off going to to the dry cleaners, Katybeth, trying to go to sleep is exhausting!

    Thanks for the giggle! Love the hair in ear.

    • and what if….when you get to the dry cleaners they insist you never brought in your black pants..and you have a receipt and everything but they tell you NO NO black pants. Wait…I’m not being helpful am I? Ok sorry. Really.

      It will all be fine. Sweet Dreams. Sleep Tight and so on…

      XX Kb 😀

  2. Ugh, waking up in the middle of the night is the worst, and I do it all the time. What can I say? The bladder is weak.

    I’m laughing about putting hair in your husband’s ear. That’s one I’ll have to remember.

    I need a Dream Weaver, too. My only memorable dream this week was: I was hanging out at a Palm Springs resort with the Kardashian sisters and we were trying to stage an intervention with Lindsay Lohan, but she kept disappearing and shagging the bartender. Umm, that may have been the night I ate Jalapeno Potato Chips before bed.

    • When Lindsay Lohan shows up in a dream–its a nightmare. We need to find you a dream weaver that loses Lindsay, and lets you run of with the handsome, rich bartender in some tropical place that puts umbrellas in your drink…
      Glad you stopped by Odd!

  3. This is mildly amusing. I was fiddling on Facebook last night and saw your punctuation post on Odd. I went to bed around 12:30, watched some TV until about 2:00. Then woke up at 5 realizing I was dreaming about quotation marks and punctuation. I was making little questions in my dream and then proudly solving my punctuation riddle. Somehow even asleep I knew this was weird so I woke up. I did manage to get back to sleep though, only to wake up and find your dream post. Life is strange.

    • Dreaming about solving punctuation riddles? Well at least you did not dream you were a punctuation/grammar super hero–jumping off buildings to save dangling modifiers, wearing a red cape with a big !! mark on it. Its a bird, its a place, NO!! Its Carla! Putting comma’s in the right place, periods were they belong, and capitalizing with a vengeance! In fact she is looking over this comment right now–ready to tell me where I missed the punctuation mark!
      Ok, Really. i may have gotten a little carried away….Thank you for dropping by Odd Cousin! (opps, did I just miss a comma?) 😀

  4. I know what you mean about dogs wanting to go to the bathroom everytime your feet hit the floor. Mine do the same thing. It is aggravating in the least. What keeps me awake at night is not being able to sleep. And the more I worry about not getting enough sleep then more awake I become…. My mind fills up with not sleeping. When I count sheep I find my mind still working. I wish tonight the dream weaver will come right after the sand man and all of you will sleep better than a baby!c

    • Kathy–you are from Alabama–the next time you are lying awake—forget sheep….99 peanuts in the bowl, 99 peanuts in the bowl, take one out, pass it around, 98 peanuts in the bowl. .. .(alabama–peanut capital), 97 peanuts in the bowl…

      Problem solved. Good night Kathy Girl!

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