Father like Son. Cole is so much like his dad it takes my breath away.
Big: Cole moves in a big way. I often have to remind him not to “move his mother” out of his way. It is not nice. Joe use to say,“Move.” I taught him to say, “Please move.” With each generation comes the potential for growth. Cole is learning to say, “Excuse me.”
Eavesdropping: Like Joe, Cole loses himself in other people’s stories and conversations. At restaurants, I used to worry that Joe would stop the conversation at another table to ask a question. Cole eavesdrops intently. “Mom, I think those two guys over at that table are planning a special op.” “Really?” I ask if they are arms dealers or into drugs. “Shhh, mom! I am listening!” I quietly sip my hot chocolate, waiting for the next update.
Bullshit: Start talking. Start talking louder. Be unrelenting. The other person will eventually have to agree you are right or shoot you. I take heart in the fact that Cole is not a quitter.
Location: Joe passed along to Cole the secret to all human communication. When you meet someone new, the first question you want to ask them is, “Where are you from?” Once you know where someone is from, you have a better idea of where they are coming from. Of course they are a little standoffish – they are from Boston. If they don’t like you, it could be because they are from Springfield. If you tell long stories that have nothing to do with the question being asked, you are probably from Ohio. People from Texas don’t put lettuce on their sandwiches. If you are from Texas and you like lettuce on your Sammie, then the next question would be, “Where is your mom from?” If you can spell and punctuate, you are either from San Diego, California or Merritt Island, Florida.(I just made that up, but it is my experience.)
Urgency: Joe’s motto: “If you are running late, make a sammie.” If my kid says, “What’s the hurry?” one more time, I am going to grab a pillow and hold it over his face.
History: “Mom, can you tell me everything you know about WWI?” “I want to know everything about WW2.” “Mom, explain the IRA to me.” “Mom, do we know anyone who was in the Vietnam war?” “Mom, did you know Attila the Hun was really not such a bad guy?” Cole is passionate about history. So was his dad. Every night, I say God bless my mom for making me quick on my feet, and God bless Google for making me smarter than I am, because frankly, I had no idea Attila the Hun had such a rough childhood.
“You’re so much like your dad.” Cole loves being like his dad. He takes pride in being like the man he loves with all his heart. Joe is frozen in the good times and will never travel through the teen years and fall from grace. Joe, however, turns in his urn at like-father-like-son comparisons. He loathed family comparisons. He would want so much more for Cole than to be “like him.”
Taking a deep breath, I know my job is to encourage Cole to live the memories of how much his dad loved him while making sure he knows how proud his dad is of him as he moves out into the world and becomes his own best person. I can hear Joe summing this up for me. “The apple may not fall far from the tree, but the apple does fall from the tree and is transformed into many different dishes.” I think this means that Joe hopes Cole will find his own recipe for life, but use his influence for seasoning. I encourage Cole to wonder why the apple fell in the first place.
Do your children resemble the best and the worst of who you are? Does the likeness often sneak up on you and take your breath away?
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19 thoughts on “Like Father Like Son”
That was beautiful! Joe isn’t ‘turning in his urn’, he’s beaming down proudly.
From the moment Cole took his first breath he beamed…and your right- proud of how much they are alike and how Cole is growing into his own personhood.
Only the best things about my kids are from me or like me. When they do good, it’s me. When they screw up and behave badly they are their father’s kids. That’s my story and I am sticking too it.
Stevie–we will swear to it!
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Yes Carter inherited the best and the worst of me – I really am okay with that, except when he’s using it against me! I also wonder why the worse traits seem to be amplified so much more than the best ones…at least it seems that way sometimes. I try to blame some of the less attractive behaviors on Gordon, but everyone just laughs out loud when I do!
Its the parent curse…May you have a child just like you and then you will see. Cole shares my irreverent humor which is fun but he is also very resistant to change and isn’t very flexible…he also comes up with one good idea after another…which often drives me nuts… 😀
I don’t often see myself in my son unless someone points it out, then it screams at me. My mom points it out more than anyone.
I bet others spot you in him and you don’t even know it.
The do in fact I was just called out on this on facebook–Like me: Big ideas requiring lots of energy, irreverent humor, lack of flexibility, hates change and uh often has the desire to be right. Where he gets his legendary patience (he can help his grandparents with tech problems) and his very long wick–Cole seldom gets angry—who knows….of-course his Grandmother would say she knows….he gets them from her!!
Thanks for dropping by Odd–I know you have wedding music to plan 😀 Stop by Facebook sometime and I will introduce you to my music advisors ).
I’m with stevie…the good stuff comes from me…the bad stuff from their dads!
Ok then—that is our story and we are sticking to it–when one of us lies about it the rest of us will swear to it.
This was such a sweet and touching post. Thanks for writing it.
My son is like me in that we are both, apparently, from Ohio, San Diego, or Rockledge, though neither of us knew that. 😉
People have often said that my daughter and I “look” exactly alike, which strikes us both as funny (and strikes me as flattering), since she is blonde and fair-skinned and I am not. We think it’s the mannerisms, like crinkling our noses when we laugh.
Really..you didn’t know Rockledge and San Diego is the land of punctuation and good spelling? Surely you knew about people from Ohio though…
I think its often the characteristics people tune into more than the actual “looks.” Crinkling your nose is very endearing!
P.S. .my two favorite spellers and proof readers are from San Diego and California —we amuse one another.
My children are all different. Is it the time or age of me as they grew up that makes them different? There is some great similarities between Ben (my youngest) and his dad. My oldest son has never meet his dad but I am in awe when he appears to be like him right down to liking sports and having a fantastic sence of humor. My daughter looks like me but she is her own person. She is a good house keeper and cook. Hope this is part of me. I guess dads are suppose to make an impact on their sons and mothers are suppose to teach their daughters. I remember that my kids fathers would keep telling me to let them grow up. Dont baby them (they were babies) and dont make sissys out of the boys. Mothers are caregivers and we take this job very seriously. Lots of wonderful memories with my children and now my grandchildren. Thanks for making me reminice. 8)
Thanks for reminiscing with us Kathy.
Weeeeellllllll, I know where my son gets his sunny morning disposition, his word-smithing ability and his wicked sense of humor but for the life of me, I cannot figure out why he is so stubborn and determined. Can you????
Your mom? )
Stubborn you say???? I can name 2 people that he gets that from. Also, determined…I can look at my daughter and whistle. That is where he gets THAT from. I can only tell you to enjoy the journey he is giving you so you can look back and say…Whew, what a ride and how in the hell did I survive that!
Thanks for clearing that up Carol! The best of times and the worst of time!
Thanks for stopping by Odd!
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