I tried my best to avoid my neighbor the other day when she waved at me to come over. (I was on the phone. Legitimate excuse.) Later, when she saw me, I was saying goodbye to a friend. It was a very long goodbye.
Don’t get me wrong; I like my neighbor a lot. A whole lot. I like her whole, entire family. But I had a bad feeling when she was so insistent about speaking with me. And unfortunately, my premonition was realized when she knocked on my door yesterday morning and asked if I would please look after her “sweet little Cookie.” Little Cookie is an alligator in a Chihuahua suit. There is nothing remotely sweet about him.
I was so hopeful that little Cookie would pass over before she needed to leave town again. After all, he is 14 and he’s been on his last paw, according to his family (wishful thinking?) for years. Old age, good life…run, little Cookie, toward the light. RUN. Alas, it was not to be. In fact, it seems Cookie just had some minor surgery to improve the quality and longevity of his life. I can’t help but think every time the Grim Reaper approaches Cookie, my face passes before his eye and he pumps his dog fist up in the air and barks, NOT YET.
Fine. I’ll take care of Cookie. I’m a good sport and can’t think of one valid excuse not to care for the little monster in his home, other than the fact he is a little shit—a fact his owners seem oblivious too. And I knew the request was inevitable, since my neighbor’s son just finished his first year in college. I expected he would need some help coming home for the summer; after all, all my friends’ kids have needed help coming home for the summer. Cookie and I would only have to hate each other for a few days…or so I thought. We all know what happens when we make assumptions, right?
My neighbor wasn’t going to help her son move home from college; she was off to Poland with her husband until the end of June. I must have looked pale, because she quickly reassured me that her son would be home in 10 days to take over, that Cookie just loves us, and that it had been years since she had been home to see her family. And, of course, she offered a million times to reciprocate in a million different ways. I just told her to put the whip by the chair and we would be fine. (Not really.) I nodded agreeably, told her to have a great trip and vowed to speak with my mom once again about her ideas for starting a pet assassin business.
Yes, a pet assassin business. The business is based on the premise that you take out a hit on the pet that has always been a good-for-nothing and of course seems to be able to live forever. Maybe you marry someone, and she or he has a little Muffy that pees on your clothes on a regular basis. One phone call, some cash…and little Muffy mysteriously dies a painless death. Win-win. Even better, Cole and my mom have also discussed a branch of the assassin business that could be hired to take out good-for-nothing people. Keep a list ready—who knows when they will have a grand opening special!?
This video is from my first visit with Cookie. The video is mild in comparison to the real visit; you should have seen me trying to take Cookie’s leash off, the entire walk he snaps, growls, barks and screams. Cole will be home from Hawaii on Saturday. So welcome home, Cole! I’ve been told that little Cookie loves you best of all!
Odd Loves Company
No worries my Mom is a much better shot than the animal lover Ken in “A Fish Called Wanda,” who was trying to kill the old lady but kept accidentally picking off her dogs instead...A Fish Called Wanda – Ken vs. the dogs
Click for more about our canine neighbors
16 thoughts on “Cookie Monster – Video Included”
I’m sorry but that is the funnest thing that has crossed my path in a long time. What I have to know is do you talk that way to little Cookie when you are not on camera.
Please, keep us updated over the next TEN days.
So glad to amuse. Yes, I keep my cool and use a firm but gentle tone. And that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Yes, I’ll try to keep you updated.
OMG!!!!! I had images but none like this. Cookie so reminds me of Peaches- a friend’s Chihauhau from when I was in grade school. I hated that dog with a passion. It was the devil but of course the family was clueless as to that dog was. They just sat there and let it snarl and yip and growl—- just like Cookie. I give you credit—- I would have just said NO!!!!
I lived with and loved a darling Chihuahua for many years. She was smart (had obedience titles) and while she was a little shy, she was not mean. So please don’t think all Chihuahuas are like Peaches and Cookies. I know what you mean about hating like a passion, tho!
It would have been easier to say know if I wasn’t the neighborhood dog lady 😀
Ah ah ah ah ha ha …sorry but that video was just too funny…glad Cookie didn’t take you hand off…you are such a good neighbor..what a monster he is..
Your neighbor has pretty hardwood floors.. 😀
They do, don’t they? Owner is a contractor. He put our tile floor in.
Always glad to amused. My Mom was beating on herself.
As we say in the South “Ah, hell, no!” That’s one terrifying little creature. The glowing eyes tell the whole story. The assassin businesses have real promise based on that video. Lucky for your neighbor you’re a pro and one heck of a good neighbor. Stay safe and God speed, my friend.
Bless his heart….
Nothing like putting a nice neighbor (you) on the spot. The video started well approaching CM’s lovely, quaint home. Then all hell broke loose shortly. The laughter began when CM had help flying out of his bed! Let’s walk NOW! I guess the breed is ok, but I have yet to meet a friendly Chihuahua. Yes, glad you’re home, Cole! In the meantime, good luck…
Well, my 5 pound Chihuahua was certainly no Cookie. She was Caviar and while she had attitude (it seems all my pups do) she wasn’t mean or nippy and she had her CDX title. You should have seen her retrieve her dumb-bell. A reported walked right into the ring while I was showing once because he didn’t think she was “real.” He was frowned on. I got a do-over on what was the start to a very bad healing pattern. Happy dance. So not all Huhua’s are miserable creatures but some, COOKIE for example, is. Yes, I kind of enjoyed coaxing him out of his bed too. No improvement yet and we are on our 4th day. I’m going for the gold—each day without a bite is a 10.
Oh. My. Golly. What a little terror! Reminds me of the time I agreed to look after my neighbor’s Chihuahua, only the doggone thing RAN from me and wouldn’t come out! What’s with these demon-dogs??
You are a much nicer person than I am, Katybeth. I’m totally with ^Diane^ on this one! Perhaps it’s because you’re in the business of pet-sitting that you’re just naturally kinder and more patient (or maybe that’s why you chose that career?)
Anyway, this too shall pass (bet you’re counting the days, ha!)
All that said, your neighbors have a nice clean house, even if they have a holy terror for a pet!
Oh I don’t know. I’m pretty patient but I’m not sure what Cookie needs is patience. My neighbors are very nice and Cole has been friends with their son since he was 2. They moved into their house shortly before we moved in ours. And since I take care of pups professional it is hard to say no to an 8 pound Chihuahua. Fortunately they have only asked me about 3 times in 14 years. Never for this long tho. I won’t tell them about their monster, or that he bit me. He never goes out of their yard so I’m not worried about anyone else. It serves no point to make them feel bad. Trust me if he was bigger breed I would go about this differently–Do you remember my story about my other neighbors dog? He’s not been back. In the meantime, I’ll wear gloves, boots, and growl right back at the little shit. Cole will do the same–he likes Cole a little bit better than me.
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